For the men on this forum, a question.

With respect to the nature vs. nurture question, I think the evidence is fairly clear that nature prevails when talking about sexual orientation.

To me, the most convincing evidence is the relatively recent finding that the younger son(s) of a succession of brothers born to the same mother have a higher chance of being gay. This is an objective and statistically significant finding (i.e. it is more than just chance). The other fact that supports the Nature hypothesis is that being gay is everywhere (whether open or not) in every culture and in every country on earth, and this, from time immemorial. If there were some aspect of nurture in this, some cultures would have more and some would have less. This is not the case. The only variations from a cultural standpoint have been in the reactions and responses to this fact.

So when discussing the influence of parents, and of fathers in particular (with respect to this discussion), one needs to understand that whatever has happened was a response to this fact, and not a cause.

I have personally had pretty bad luck with fathers. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old and I stayed with my mother. I only saw him a few times within the following 2 years before he moved away. No relationship was established there...then my mother married again when I was 10 years old and I had to endure a physically abusive stepfather who regularly called me a maricon (Spanish for faggot - before I even knew what it meant). He died 2 years later in a car accident...my only regret Is that I didn't have the chance to beat him to a pulp as an adult...As far as I can tell, what I learned from that particular fiasco was that being gay was an undesirable thing to be...and the rest is history.

 

Well, as he lay there dying I told him I would stay by his side. On morphine, having not spoken for several hours, he sat up and uttered "why" in his angry voice. I guess that sums up our relationship for most of my life. Head down, trying to please a man that never could be pleased. I wasted too much of my life trying. Been thinking about that a lot today. Not sure why God even put my here today to tell the truth.

 

My dad handled my coming out better than everyone else in my family. The ironic thing is that I told the women in my family first because I was more scared of telling the men, but it was the other way around - the men in my family handled it better than the women. My dad never tried to keep me on the "straight and narrow" by encouraging me to do certain things, he just let me do whatever I wanted to do. The idea of a gay man's sexuality being determined by his relationship with male relatives is bullshit, as far as I'm concerned.

 

Amen to that. If anything there's some element of the reverse. My dad's relationship with my straight brother was far less guarded and cautions than his relationship with me. Whether that's because he saw in me a less closed-off and hidden variation of himself that he couldn't deal with, or else something he didn't understand or know how to accept, I'll never know. But I always knew there was something different about me vs. my brother, and it came from within, and it may have influenced my relationship with my dad. but it certainly wasn't caused by it.

 

My dad was very aloof when I was growing up. On the other hand, when I was little probably up tp 8 or so, my parents were both pretty liberal with me. I was allowed if no one was around to cross dress, which I did frequently, and ad barbie dolls. Of course, I liked normal boy stuff so that might have been a factor. As I entered my teenage years, my relationship with my father improved, this may be to him becoming a warmer individual. I truly feel the discomfort I have felt since preschool, had an effect on my relationship with my father. I don't think our relationship effected my sexuality.

 

Perfect. And it's still perfect. We regularly do stuff together. (and no, I haven't told him or my mom yet that I'm gay... but not because I don't trust them, but just because I haven't felt the need too... just as most of my hetero friends don't know)

 

I am the first child of my parents. My dad was always busy from the time I was born until I reached the age of 15. He was always nice to me whenever he had a time to stay at home. I remembered he was most of the time on trip, long trips for his work to different cities even countries. So, I was more close to my mom and still feel more close to her. I guess that is why I came out to only my mom (not to my dad).
What is interesting for me is that I always enjoy the moments I can talk to my father. My self confidence is increased when I talk to him!
Also, from the childhood until now I have not had any role model for family roles.