Hey guys... I was wondering, what was your first experience with homophobia? I just experienced mine the other day, and it was really interesting. So I figured I'd ask you guys about any of your past experiences with it. Like I said, mine was interesting. I was talking to one of my girl friends at our local college bar, and this kid (we know each other, have some friends in common, but have never really spoken) comes over to the girl and starts talking to her. I didn't care, I just started speaking to another girl who was standing next to me. Either way, I look over and see this kid whispering something to the girl I was originally talking to. She gives him this dirty look, and taps me on the shoulder and says, "Jon, you're gay, right?" So I agree that I am infact gay, and the kid looks mortified, so embarassed. Either way, later in the night, the girl is sitting on my lap, and I feel him burning holes in my back, and he starts waving her over to come talk to him. Eventually she gives in, and goes over. She comes back laughing saying that he told her that he was scared to come over because I was gay. Either way, a few of my friends bitched him out. And the other day at the library he comes over, apologizing like you've never seen before. I mean, he was like, blubbering in front of the library telling me how he was drunk, and didn't mean it, and how sorry he was... blah blah blah. So, end of the story, now, whenever I see him, he says hi. The other day, he was standing fully across the bar from me, and he gives me this big stupid, "see, I'm not scared of gay people" wave. But to be honest, if anyone saw it, they'd probably think he was gay, a thought that made me laugh at the time.
It happens. I just shrug it off. Occasionally, if I have the energy (rare for a full time student), I'll shoot off some come back or clever remark. But, most of the time I ignore it, and take comfort knowing that their ignorance will probably be resposible for their lack of direction and accomplishment in life. That was harsh. But oh well. I actually don't get much. I got called a cock sucker at the bus loop once for no reason (although I was dressed a little gay that day). So, I said, "not yours," and got on my bus. So yeah....just shrug it off.
It sounds to me like he probably hasn't really met a gay person before or at least not too many of them and certainly not so closely (a friend of a friend who he sees around sometimes). Yes, he sounds homophobic, but the way you tell the story it also sounds to me like he's coming around a bit. Nervous talking is better than totally ignoring you and obviously better than physically or verbally attacking you. A guy who will initiate nervous conversation with you and is slightly afraid of gay people is somebody you can make a positive impact on. He's already probably less homophobic than he was initially and continued exposure to you will probably only improve that situation. Not so long ago, a friend of mine met his first real life gay person at like age 22. I wasn't actually out to him (or to anybody for that matter) at the time, but afterwards he made comments that essentially amounted to "wow, I've never met a gay guy before, but he was actually a pretty cool guy." Hopefully, you're making the same impression. As for my friend, he now knows I'm gay, although I don't think we've ever directly discussed it. To generalize, there's a direct correlation between how supportive somebody is of LGBT people and if they know somebody who is gay. For example, somebody is twice as likely to support gay marriage if they personally have a family member, friend or co-worker who is openly gay. Also, the only area of the country where a majority of people does not know somebody who is gay is the South, which also has the lowest rates of acceptance of being gay. So use this opportunity to educate this guy by your example if nothing else and do your part in helping gay folks everywhere.
