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First time advice

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Paddy2018, Jan 1, 2018.

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  1. Paddy2018

    Paddy2018
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    Hey guys,

    Haven't posted here in about a month so just felt I should give a little update re: my situation. Basically on Fri night myself and my best pal (he's straight) went out for drinks. He has always been very good to me and was such a support to me when I came out.

    To cut a long story short we both got very drunk and he came back mine after the bar for a few more beers. My mind is quite hazy re: the circumstances leading up to it, but I felt there was a growing sexual tension between us. Before I knew it he had his pants down and I was giving him a 'helping hand'. This later lead to me performing oral on him.

    It all happened so fast. It's like we both lost all inhibitions. Like I said in my previous post I have lived my entire life totally celibate until now so I guess I had lots of built up sexual frustration.

    The following day we spoke as normal and agreed to never do it again as we value our friendship. I feel very guilty though as he does have a girl friend. I don't feel weirded out by what happened and I don't believe he does either.

    Do you think our friendship has been damaged?

    Thanks for your responses
     
    #21 Paddy2018, Feb 18, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2018
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    Since you spoke about it and both decided to just basically put it behind you, I see no likely significant impact on your friendship.

    That said, your friend is probably not 100% straight, as most straight guys, even with a few beers in them, wouldn't be taking their pants down and having their friend give them a blowjob and hand job. But... I do think it's wise to avoid anything in the future, especially given that he's in a relationship.

    Also, with regard to your earlier posts... there are lots of people far older than you who are virgins. As I think I said before... anyone who judges you for that isn't someone you want to go out with anyway. You're clearly making progress in this regard, so simply give yourself time and do your best to stay out of self-judgment.
     
    #22 Chip, Feb 19, 2018
  3. Travelguy

    Travelguy
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    Hi, Paddy. I'm in a similar situation, but a lot older (in my sixties), and I consider myself still a virgin. I only began coming out in January. Coming out gave me the strength to admit to people my deepest secret, that I'd never really even dated, much less been in a romantic relationship. Still not something I tell everyone, but the shame is gone.

    I say consider myself a virgin although technically I'm not. I fooled around with a boy friend for a year or two before I hit puberty, when I was probably 12 or 13. I don't think this is uncommon for boys. But I also had sexual experiences with my best male friend in my 20's, extending a bit into my 30's. We probably got sexual around 15 times altogether (mostly masturbating each other, tried going beyond that just a few times). This stopped over time because I realized my friend wasn't really into it, and it made him feel guilty (he was married). Also, we only did anything after drinking, and he later recognized he was alcoholic and gave up drinking (plus he was undiagnosed bi-polar at the time). Anyway, the point is this didn't damage our relationship in any way; he remains my best friend (since junior high) and was the first person I came out to. (Surprisingly, with our history, he was surprised when I came out!).

    One last point. I too have always lacked confidence about my appearance, as I've always been a bit chubby. I'm working on that now, finally having a strong motivation to make myself look better. But I've noticed that when I look back at old photos of myself, I always look better than I thought I did at the time. I'll bet you're more attractive than you think.
     
    #23 Travelguy, Feb 24, 2018
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