Ever since I started coming out as bi I had to realise that some people are actually way more small minded than I expected. I've been having a lot of conversations with people where I could tell they were really making an effort and really trying to understand but at the same time thinking in very homophobe structures and saying some very stupid things. Often in these moments I am so surprised and overwhelmed by the stupidity of what they said that I don't reply fast enough. Plus I don't want to start a fight, cause I can see they are actually trying to understand and I don't want to destroy that. Have you had any conversations like that? Can you help me find things to reply next time I hear these aweful comments in similar situations?
Would be happy to give some suggestions, but it might help to know what sorts of things people are saying, specifically. Can you describe some of them in more detail? It's not uncommon for people to ask a lot of seemingly regressive questions about being LGBT, especially when they're just learning about it for the first time, or you're the first LGBT person they've had a chance to ask about things. I've found over time, though, that there's a big difference between people who are asking questions because they want to understand, and people who are asking questions because they see you as some sort of oddity in a zoo or something, and they just want to "stare at you through the glass." I would say you're under no obligation to be the token LGBT or bi person, and if people are trying to do this with you in conversations, I would just tell them "I don't feel comfortable talking about this, I'd like to change the subject, thanks." On the other hand, if people are genuinely trying to understand, I would try to be patient, and remind yourself that the information they've gotten up to this point was probably heavily biased and misleading. It takes time to think through and discard all of that, but they will eventually.
