Hi! I just want to vent iut a little bit. Well I am closeted gay man living in a conservative country. I have an awesome boyfriend and we love each other very much! The thing is, sometimes I wish that I had casual gay friend, someone I could talk with in a non-romantic way and just have a gay to gay conversation, just simple stuff like celebrity crushes, etc! But finding that person is really hard! I tried talking with some gay people online but after a while they all just wanted to know if it is possible to have a relationship or not . So no chance there ... So what do you think? Is it too much to ask for a casual gay friend?
This would sound like an ideal situation. It's not that easy to pull off. First, you have to find one that you have good friendship chemistry with. I know that if I walk into a room full of people, there will only be a select few I could see interacting with more. This person also cannot be looking at you as boyfriend material. They need to view you on an equal footing - as a friend. After that, it could be a good thing. You should be happy that you have an actual boyfriend, especially since you say you live in a conservative country. Maybe you could look in the same manner for a platonic friend as you did for the boyfriend, unless that was a pick up type situation! Would this potentially upset the balance you have with your boyfriend? Does he have platonic G/B friends, as far as you know?
Thanks for the reply! Yeah me and my BF actually did meet on a hook-up website but that way is one of the few ways that two gay men can meet in this country. We were both looking for long term relationship. I tried that website again and it was super awkward and also I think it somehow upset my boyfriend. He has a Bi friend that they came out to each other but they have very different taste in men. I even tried to look for online friends from other countries. It was really hard to find too and I got to meet some great people but the chemistry you mentioned was just not there.
It's funny I read this today. I say that, because just last week a gay friend and I spoke about our relationship. We were classmates in Undergrad college who didn't really move in the same circles and were in the closet. Years later (In Dec 2017) we met on an online dating app, realized we knew each other and hit it off. We hung out at cafes, had dinners and stuff, where we would talk about everything under the sun, especially about hot guys. . And yes, we did fool around with each other physically once or twice, but after that we never got physical again. It just didn't click and seem that way. We still chat and talk often a lot. Just last week we were talking and joking about the fact that it's been almost a year since the last time we got "physical" with each other. We agreed that it's happy we have each other, just gay friends who meet over coffee, food and talk. So yes. I get where you're coming from. I find it important to have one friend or a group of people who don't really have a relationship with each other, other than being good "gay" friends. . Don't give up, continue socializing, and I'm sure you'll find someone or the other. . In the meantime, you have us! The members of EmptyClosets. Sure, you can't talk to us over the phone, but I'm sure you can post here and talk to us that way!
Having casual gay friends is great because you can relate with them on a deeper level than straight friends. I don't live in an extremely conservative area, so I'm not sure how much this advice will help. I didn't have other LGBT friends for many years, but I met a lot of LGBT people through joining activities outside of my normal social groups. Although it's a bit stereotypical, things like the arts tend to draw in more gay people. If you could pick up a new hobby and join some sort of group, you may happen upon a circle of LGBT individuals. I went from knowing one gay person to the majority of my friends being gay by joining theatre and chorus.
I can be your friend if you want! Looking also for a platonic gay friend whom I can share thoughts with!
I've been finding it difficult as well. I've met guys on apps who I thought were hot at first, but after seeing more pics of them I've changed my mind (which is kind of shallow of me, but there you go). Although I still have fun chats with them and would like to be friends, I've made it a bit awkward by being flirty with them at first and letting them think I wanted to have sex. So I think I need to clean the slate with these guys and let them know that I don't fancy them but would still like to be friends. And definitely change my details so that my profile is clear that I only want friends and chat, not hook-ups. I spent a long time thinking that gay apps were not a place to find friends, but there are actually some decent guys on there who enjoy conversation.
