So I finally ended my relationship with my girlfriend. Its sad because she's such a great girl, but at the same time, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I know the relationship wasnt doing either of us much good any more. Our shared best-friend is looking after her tonight, so I know she'll be as ok as I could hope for now. :dry: Anyways, this has me thinking about the opportunity I have to start coming out to people now. A few friends know already, but I'm prepared to come out, excluding to select family members (for the record, I tentatively consider myself bisexual still, although I wouldnt deny the possibility that I'm at primarily into guys). I have some important core friend-group members to tackle first though. I guess I'm wondering if there are any potential complications of coming out via a break-up, especially when we have lots of mutual friends. The break-up was amiable (tho sad) and the people we hang out with are fairly overwhelmingly lgbt-friendly. In these senses I'm pretty lucky. At the same time, she's hurt and I'm still figuring a lot of things out about my sexuality. Any similar experiences/general advice would be lovely. It's helping me think about things a bit better just writing this.
Bro, first, welcome and thank you for writing so openly. Second, what a great guy you are. You sound extremely sensitive to a wonderful young woman. You are a consummate gentleman. I want to start from your last sentence about 'just writing'. Writing here and sharing in any non-judgmental, open forum has really helped me work through some of this. And I'm not exclusive in taking opinions from gay-friendly voices or voices with an opposing view on homosexuality; I'm sincerely open and believe it's healthy to consider all the angles because, as a person, we are more than just how we feel about guys or girls. As far as you considering your former gf if you come out to people now, I don't see a huge red flag that says "don't say anything!" Take your time, yes, but whether it's a month or six months, people will likely condense the time and still say "remember 'X', he broke up with 'Y' and right after came out of the closet!" I'm chuckling, because I've heard it before about other guys (Of course, I'm also super sensitive to hearing who's gay, bi or whatever because I'm in the midst of this process myself.) Linking back in to my first point; at your pace, keep being open about how you feel. Whether here or if there are people that you trust, take it one step at a time and express what seems reasonable to you. You may also want to ask your friends who you have already talked about your sexual orientation with. See what they think. They might have some good insight knowing where you live and your group of friends (if they know them). Bro, I have to say, your thoughtfulness is evident. Erring on the side of being thoughtful is always an honorable way to go and is truly loving. I wish you the best and look forward to hearing other posts and what you do along the way. Peace ~ Me
Hi jargon. From previous conversations I know you struggled with this a lot...so congratulations on reaching a decision, and carrying it out thoughfully. Giving pain to another always sucks, but it sounds like you did it in a humane way, and for the all the right reasons. It's always an interesting time when you approach a new chapter in your life. I would suggest using this time to explore, and don't get too caught up with "who you are"...find out who you are *by* exploring. Try to avoid getting into any serious or heavy relationships...this is just good advice for anyone who has recently ended a relationship (and advice I personally have a hard time taking). If you're tentative about whether you're really bisexual (again, based on previous posts), then I think it can be tricky to come out...when you're not sure what to come out as. Again, being between relationships can be an opportunity to explore and experiment...perhaps in doing so, it will become clear just how to come out...and by that time, coming out won't be attached so much to your break-up, but to having figured out who you are and wanting to express that openly. Best wishes with it all!
I know this was a couple days ago, and I'm sorry for not responding sooner. I can't think very well right now, so I just wanted to thank you both for being such incredible people and taking the time to help a guy out. Some things in my life just got really messy - in part related to this, in part unrelated - but I don't know if I'll have a lot of people in my real life who are or can be there for me for a while. Knowing I have EC means a lot right now, as silly as it sounds. Thank you both! (*hug*)
