Hi everyone, I've been chatting to this amazing girl online. We have lots in common and we've been chatting every day for almost 2 weeks. We're going to grab a drink together tomorrow night and I'm equally excited and nervous. Mainly because at 27 years old, this is the first date I'll have gone on with a girl (I've only gone on one date with a guy as a way to get people off my back so that doesn't count haha). For some insight on my difficulty, I've been actively healing from childhood trauma over the last 2 years that took place 15 years ago (I didn't tell anyone for 13 years). Needless to say, I have a hard time being vulnerable, letting down my walls, and allowing intimacy. I've come a long way considering I've started coming out to some friends, but there's a long way to go! Anyway, it's all new and exciting and I'd really, really appreciate any tips (eg kiss on first date? bar closes at 10 so where do we move onto if it's going well?). We've already forged a strong connection and she doesn't know any of this but if my acting training has prepared me for anything it's prepared me to appear confident even though i'll be freaking out on the inside hahaha. Obviously if things go well and we continue to see each other, there'll be a right time to sit her aside and explains some things to her. Thank you SO much!!
First dates, in general, should be light and fun. There's no need to go into your issues or history -- if you wind up having a relationship, there will be plenty of time for that later. Try not to focus on the outcome of the evening. It's possible that this girl may be different in person than online, and you might be disappointed when you meet her. Or maybe she'll be amazing. Either way, you're getting to know a new person so just try to enjoy that.
In my (admittedly limited) experience, directly admitting your nervousness helps defusing the situation. But... you have to do this with a calm demeanor, one that actually belies the very anxiety you are 'fessing up to. That sounds contradictory, or even hypocritical, but there it is. If people know what's on your mind, and it doesn't seem too immediately threatening, they can respond comfortably. You have to be a thespian as well as a lesbian. (Sorry, couldn't help it.) About the rest, check out the thread "First Date" in the Family Friends and Relationships sub-forum. Everybody (i.e. me and some others) put their opinions in there. To address your direct question, a greeting hug is pretty par for the course, but you might first go for a handshake and see if the vibe is right for a hug. You have already been chatting for two weeks, so a certain familiarity would be OK. Look for little signs (and give them!) like light touches on the shoulders or hands. (Without being creepy!) And.. put yourself in her shoes. She is probably thinking the same things as you are. You are right that you don't have to disclose the entire contents of your closet right away. Good luck, I guess it's happening in just a few hours!
Hey my first date was at 27 so it must be the perfect age. My advice would be don't overthink it. Just see how it goes. I am sure as the others have said she will also be nervous but if you just keep breathing everything will be fine.
Best of luck! Just be yourself and relax. Your date may be nervous too. Try to have an enjoyable time.
Thanks for this @beenthrdonetht!! This is very good advice. She's so sweet and said a couple of days ago 'kind nervous to meet you already' haha and I said me too, we wouldn't be human otherwise . I went for a run this morning because I had all of this nervous energy so when I see her tonight I'll probably tell her that . We've also joked about not hugging each other because it's going to be hot so I think a hug is imminent. As I'm saying these things I'm realising that there are less 'unknowns' than there could be and it's going to be just fine!! Doesn't stop me feeling very anxious though. I will check out that thread right now, thank you!
Thanks all for your advice, very appreciated! I will post an update after tonight. So nervy, but hey, gotta start somewhere!
It was a HUGE success!!! We went to a beer garden, followed by a board games bar, then a drag show and then we went back to her place and it was the most magical night! The next morning was so sweet - we cuddled in bed for many hours listening music we’d be bonding over during our couple of weeks of chatting. Thanks all for the words of advice!
It's the best feeling. Glad you had a great time. That's the way it should be. ::cues up 4 Strings vs. DJ Shaine "The Way It Should Be"::
Yep, she's actually coming up to the country where I'm house sitting for my aunty and we're going to go on a hike this weekend.... she leaves to go overseas next week so we're 'fast-tracking' hahaha. Seems kind of intense but we've both acknowledged that and I think it'll be a great weekend. From talking to her every day it feels like we've known each other forever. Strangely compatible and so similar... it's crazy!!! I'm really looking forward to the weekend but also nervous
