Sorry to whine about my problems, and then whine again the next day. I'll try to make this quick. So, some short backstory. The other day, I was reading something, that really got to me, on a number of levels. I have since, been thinking about my life. I have made a few conclusions about various things; friendships, relationships, my lifestyle. Like I had previously stated, this sent me into a reasonable slump of depression, which, by the way, is still hanging over me. So, onto my problem: something has jumped to the front of my mind, and has been bugging me a lot. I dont know how to begin describing it. To put it bluntly, I feel wrong. At first I thought it was just me over reacting, but I have realised that I havent ever really felt right. Again, I dont know how to describe it, but the closest thing I could compare it to is feeling like Im in the wrong body, like the body I live in is different from who I actually am. This sounds kinda wierd, even to me. I cant say for sure if there is even anything wrong, or if it is just me obsessing over something, and blowing it out of proportion. The only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that I dont feel like myself, I dont feel right at all, and I dont think I ever have. I wasnt sure if I should bother asking for help with this; I dont even know what the problem actually is. But I would feel much better if any light could be shed on my situation. Thanks for reading all this, and any help will be much appreciated. Thanks guys.
I can sort of understand. Have you been able to pinpoint where you might be going wrong? Some people, for instance, feel they were born the wrong gender. Others grew up as "jocks", and came to realize they actually didn't enjoy sports. Have you gotten any clue what the real you might be, and what you might be able to do to get there? Lex
Hmm, I cant really put it into words. I know how to say it in my head, but there probably arent any words to describe it. I dont think it is a gender issue, I enjoy being male, and I think the last thing I would ever want is to be female. Actually, now that I think about, when I was younger, I used to day dream about being a girl. But thats probably just my overactive imagination getting carried away. I do feel like my personality is wrong, a bit, mostly just my outer personality. In my own little world, Im much more open, and more sensitive, but on the outside, I am the complete opposite. I really dont know at all. I feel wrong with my body, but everything is in the right place, and it matches up with my mind, sort of. Like I said, at the moment, the most accurate description I can give is that I dont feel 'right'. Im really sorry, but thats about as good as I can do at the moment.
Perhaps it's something you can keep working on. Because as you come across things like your feeling you should be more outgoing, you can actively work on them. Because in most cases, you can. You might not be able to immediately be chatty or the life of the party, but if you take active steps to be more outgoing, it might bring "real you" more in sync with your mental image of you. Vis a vis your body, if that means dieting or working out or getting a nice haircut, why not give it a go? And don't worry if you don't immediately (or even soon) come up with precisely where the discrepancies are. Just keep an open mind, and keep thinking about it a bit. Lex
Thanks, but I still have to work out exactly what is going on with me. I think thats probably the real problem I have, I dont know what is wrong, so I cant fix it. Its so frustrating, Im almost in tears trying to work it out. Thanks though Lex, your help is a start, at least.
I have been thinking about it all evening, and I think its a gender issue. Im really scared now, my life always seems to find the worst things to throw at me, at the worst times. Im so confused with myself, why cant I just be normal? Why do I have to be myself? I would be much happier living someone elses life.
Hi, I'm at the uni in the UK, but I'm Polish so sorry about my messed-up grammar. I can relate a little to your story. I am sensitive, and I can be a nice person, but I feel like a lot of those traits would give away that I'm gay, so often, I'm kind of frigid, but in a way that I'm just not talking to much. When people say something, I tend to nod or say something obvious and then let the awkward silence last. There are just a few people who when I'm around them, I let myself out. I thought that at uni something would change, that I would let myself be who I am. Especially, that I experienced a lot of tolerance here and met many people like me, and that it's a new environment to me. But still, I feel like I can't be myself. I kind of think that being too nice and sensitive would meaning losing my masculinity. Always the idea of being transgendered was scary to me, so I avoided it. But when I was younger I remember thinking "how would it be if I was a girl?" and I remember a thought, "It would be easier if I was born a girl". I really don't want to change my sex, but maybe my misery has something to do with it? Sorry, I just added a lot of confusion here. xD
>>>Why do I have to be myself? I would be much happier living someone elses life. You ARE living someone else's life. And, as you said, it feels "wrong". You won't be happy living as someone else. Ask any of us who have had to found out "who we are", in one way or another, and then take the steps to change our lives so we can really be that person. The process might not be easy, but the actual feeling of finally being "you" makes it all worth it. Lex
Wallrose, whenever you feel broken or "wrong" begin by making sure what you THINK, what you SAY/DO, what you FEEL and what you BELIEVE make sense altogether. For me, this is the best way for me to remain sincere to myself. If any of the above are mutually exclusive then there must be something wrong, start by trying to fix that. I always start there, and it eventually takes me to the core of my problem. Good luck. Also, you have to love yourself as you are. You are you and there is a good reason for that. You must find out what it is by yourself. I can only wish you the best and hope that you can accept and love yourself. Life is full of infinite possibilities.
Oddly, I think I understand what you mean when you wrong...I've felt that way from time to time, sometimes it'll just jump outta no where then disappear a few days later without an reason. I think this might happen when we repress a lot of “stuff” feelings, not speaking out when we wanted to, stuff like that. Eventually all that crap has to escape somehow. I think that might be it is, you feel off because all that negative crap is bubbling over at one time. Anyway its just a theory, I know its not really advice, but its all I’ve got. And don’t worry about posting problems that’s what this section is for.
Thanks guys. Everything is just so confusing at the moment. Yes, I have boiled it down to a gender issue, but it still isnt a perfect...diagnosis? Wahtever word I was looking for there... Anyway, its as though, I want to be 'the real me', but I dont want to change who I am now. I enjoy being me, its not the best life, but it is still good, and I wouldnt change it for anything. So I dont really know exactly what I want right now. I guess I'll just have to get my head on straight and sort things out before I can work anything out. But thanks guys, been a big help.
