Feeling suicidal, uk

Maybe video games might help distract you from these terrible thoughts?

 

Breathe.. You can do this. Sending positive vibes your way love.

 

Wow, these comments are very inspirational. I can only add that I have been where you are right now. For a long time I thought I would be strong enough too. I was in denial though and I continued to feel worse and worse, putting off suicide one day at a time, as you say. My sense is that this is where you are now and makes me feel very sad. Putting it off worked for me too for a long time but then I just seemed to run out of days. Planning my suicide helped me get by for a little while after that but then planning came to an end and it was time for action. I had bought this rope and practiced setting everything up several times so i know for a fact it would have worked. I was ready and very serious about going through with it. The only reason I am here today is because of a fluke side effect of my depression that partially paralyzed me when it was in full effect. I simply couldn't get the rope tied. I cry every time I think of that. Somehow the frustration, that emotion, cause some kind of a crack in my resolve and I remember feeling sorry for myself. It was so weird, it was like someone else was feeling sorry for me but me at the same time. I remember I couldn't stop crying and that's the last thing I remembered form that night. I woke up on the floor 14 hours later with the sun in my face and the rope next to me. I hadn't eaten in days but it was the the first time i felt hunger. It was a terrible hunger and the compassion came back as I scrambled for some food. Something had changed. The compassion was new and I wanted so desperately to hang on to that feeling, I knew it would be the only way I was ever going to survive this. I went to the support center and told them everything. I had felt like killing myself for years but never told a sole about it before this. They were very supportive and gave me a choice to turn myself in to the cliic or wait two weeks for an appointment with a therapist. I didn't want people at my job finding out so I decided to wait. It was a terrifying two weeks, I was so afraid of the depression coming back.

Long story short, therapy was amazing. They taught me how to work with my depression. The key for me is that they didn't try and cure me. I really wanted a cure but I now know that path would have never worked for me. They gave me the tools to work with the depression that I still have. I have never been 100% successful at stopping it but instead I depend on long periods of being depression free to keep it from having a strong grip on me when it does come back.

I can't say what your experience will be going forward. I spent many hours in group therapy and leaned that everyone deals with depression differently. But I can say there is always a path forward. I am certain of that. I would have never in a million years guessed it possible but I am truly happy with my life right now. A little weird, yes, but happy.

What I'm saying is I really want you to get help. If you have tried and haven't had success with it then try again. Don't give up, you can make it, I just know you can. You can be so, so much different than you are right now.