Thanks so much, @silverhalo. Given the choice I would choose to separate for a few months. It is becoming a need that I have to explore this. However my reservation is that I see that as most likely us ending. That is also why I can't quite get myself to say "I am gay", because I know that if I were absolutely gay for sure, then neither of us would decide to stay together. I know my husband will see us as done but would desperately hang onto hope if we separated. But I do not think I could pretend all is fine and commit my emotions to him completely for a few months. Whenever he thinks everything is fine, I shut down and get depressed. All of this won't change. I feel like I have slowly climbed my way up to admitting I'm probably gay and I don't think I could or want to try and reverse that. Even the therapist said that now that I recognize this, there is no going back. She only presented the second option because she could see my husband was shutting down and saw us as done. Scary stuff. We will see how I feel after tomorrow.