That's it. I'm a trans man. I feel like weirdo creeping up on women. I've done nothing wrong rationally speaking, but I can't not feel like a goddamn creep for being a man. How do I cope with this? How do I change my perception?
It's not the reason why you are in the women's bathroom, changing room etc. It's because of the way you pass to others and it's easier for you. And if someone doesn't like you using the bathroom of the gender which you pass more as, it's them picking on you.
redstatic.....Can you explain what you mean by "creeping up on women"? Perhaps that's just the way you feel when that's not what is really happening. I suppose a lot would depend on how well you pass. Let us know a little more about the situation and we may be able to do a better job of helping with ideas and suggestions. .....David
Men get a lot of bad press these days but there's no reason why masculinity need necessarily be prefixed by that overused adjective 'toxic'. There are a lot of fine values associated with masculinity, and a lot of good men out there. I feel we don't hear enough about them. And I think trans men have an important role in redefining masculinity. By being yourself and relaxing a little. I know that moving across the gender divide can be stressful, especially at a time when gender roles and expectations are up in the air in a way they probably have never been in human history. But I think you can't go far wrong if you simply treat other people (women especially) as you'd like to be treated yourself - with respect, courtesy and kindness. Beth x
I've had a run in with this faulty perception myself. I have had mothers give me the stink eye as if I was gonna be creeping up on her and her kids. And I think to myself, "bitch I want nothing to do with you or your damned kids. I'm just out here doing my thing, leave me a lone." And being on the other side of it....kinda sucks when I am an SA survivor myself and there's no way in hell I'd want to do that to anyone else. I hate that assumption so much that all men are automatically villains when it simply isn't true. This is why a lot of guys are afraid to date sometimes is because he's afraid he may be accused of something that he didn't do..again this isn't everybody and I'm not making the assumption that all women are like this. I'm just providing an example of something I've kind of felt myself deep down but have felt scared to talk about it. That stuff aside...I. Assure you you're a good person. I try not to let these people get under my skin too much. I know sometimes that's easier said than done...but try not to take their actions personally. Not all women are like this and I know quite a few good women in my life that I work with on a daily/weekly basis. Like the commenter above said, just put your best foot forward, be respectful and kind and treat others and yourself with kindness because you deserve it. Hope this helps some.
Hi, sorry for making this post without much context and disappearing. I wrote it in a very vulnerable and frustrated state and used it more as a way to vent. Thank you all for the kind words This is something that affects all aspects of my life, whenever I exist as a man in a women's space, or even when I'm just hanging out with my guy friends and we start talking about girls, or just being around my girlfriend. The post itself was made in a moment when I felt like I couldn't feel free of these perceptions of manhood in my relationship. I feel like I can't let go and enjoy my life because I keep seeing everything through this lense of being predatory. Thank you all for the reassurance. I try my best to be respectful and listen to other people's needs, specifically women, so that I don't make them feel in any way uncomfortable in my presence.
redstatic.....Thanks for clearing things up a little bit. If you are being respectful and listening to the needs of others I don't think you will in any way be a "creep" (your word). It would be wonderful if more people were doing what you are doing...the world would be a different...and better...place! .....David
