Im 27 never been in a relationship and my feelings of loneliness are getting very hard to handle..i am not out to many people but i feel i have this massive wall between me and the world and its making me stuggle...i only have my therapist to talk to which i feel is very sad and i cant seem to meet other women i can connect with...sorry for the rant i guess im just very sad!
I talk about feeling lonely, acceptance (that i dont have) towards myself....we also talk about me not finding stereotypical lesbians attractive...idk...
I've felt like there was a "wall" between me and everyone else before as well. I spoke to a therapist who helped me with it. I still haven't had any relationships, but i have become better at making friends and connecting with people, and it wasn't really about breaking down that wall, it was about helping me adjust to having new people in my life. I have become a bit more honest and up front with people. I think the reason for the "wall" was because I always felt like people had expectations and assumptions about me and I would constantly worry about how they would react to me if I didn't match up to those expectations. I don't feel that worry any more. I don't know if this is any help, but that's the kind of experience I had with my loneliness and lack of understanding from people. I now give people the chance to understand me better, and whether they like me or not is up to them.
I think in your situation you may just need some time for things to fall together/get better. I feel that I've had those exact feelings before, it's just been awhile. Definitely great that you see a therapist, keep that up. I'd recommend also finding some mind/time consuming activities to do, maybe get out more, and possibly meet some more people. Eventually you'll find what you're looking for in a person to have a relationship, you just can't rush it, finding the right someone definitely takes time, and when it happens it will have definitely been worth the wait/time. So does your loneliness ultimately stem from the lack of being in a relationship and finding the right person or would you say it's also lack of friends, or lack of friends that understand you? And what sort of hobbies are you into?
Hey thabks for this!!i do do quite a couple of activies/try out new things. Mainly sports butit seems to be the only things that get me excited. My lonelyness i think is that i am always likable i think and have many friends but it seems to be a one way street: i am always there for them but i feel like i cant open up!!i guess i just need to hang in there for a while but it seems long enough already anyway thanks for your replies its nice to feel listened
I agree with Nice Dave. I was not confident of myself for a variety of reasons including my sexuality. I was bullied in school a lot. So I built a wall around myself because I did not want to get hurt. I was afraid what others would think of me. Now that I am more open and honest I do not care what others think of me. They can think what they want. I don't worry about that any more. But it is still a work in progress and there are days when I feel exactly like you do CL1990.
Thanks Pole Star!i guess we just have to be strong and take those days with the hope that there will definetly be better days
You've also mentioned having difficulty accepting things about yourself, as well as not finding typical lesbians attractive. One of the challenges a lot of us gay people face is that it's tough trying to figure out where we belong, and who we belong with. We have this kind of assumption that we should get along better with our own kind rather than straight people, and when we don't feel like it's playing out that way, then it makes us feel weird, like there must be something wrong with us because we aren't connecting with a community we're supposed to be part of. And you end up seeing yourself in a negative light. Talking to a therapist helped me because I was saying things to her that I wasn't saying to other people, and I was voicing opinions about myself that I had never opened up about before. And I think once you start admitting things to yourself, you become less afraid of yourself and what horrible failures might happen, and then you start seeing yourself in a more positive light. Whether you do connect with other people or not doesn't matter so much, as long as you become less afraid of trying to connect with them.
Yes i get you completely i tell my therapists opinions about myself that are very mean and that i wouldnt say out loud...i also feel about the connecting thing. I put myself out there to meet other gay women but i feel its a lot of effort because i have to actively seek them so i end up getting along better with straight people just because its who i meet organically...idk its difficult but thanks for your help dave!
Hi there, I think you have established that all you need to do is keep your eye on the ball and find the girl you desire! Realisticallly, nothing is stopping you from fulfilling this desire - simply let go of this negativity. It’s purely by chance that you haven’t yet stumbled across this perfect woman, but it will happen. There’s someone out there for all of us - for each person, the time needed to find that person varies. Try to suppress your current emotions: you can only love someone if you love yourself. All the best. You will do great!
