I'm sorry this is a bit of a rant rather than a question because I don't think there's anything I can do about the situation (except rant!) My brother-in-law has been staying with us for over a month now and could potentially be 3-6 more months and he's a perfectly nice guy and my wife is super happy he's here as they live in different states 3000km apart). And honestly he's no trouble at all - except that, as I work from home and he doesn't often go out - I never really have any time to myself (my wife works weekdays). But the main issue, I guess, is that - though he's perfectly nice, friendly, polite etc. - there's an unspoken but very definite rule that we don't discuss or reveal my sexuality! Their family is very rural, Northern (the equivalent of the U.S south!) farming family that drinks a lot, shoots, drives big 4WDs and believes that the LGBTQ+ community is a modern fad! My wife is certainly a black sheep of the family having had girlfriends in the past but she didn't share that with them either! I just feel like, after a month of pretending to be straight in my own house, I'm not really able to be myself ANYWHERE! I mean I wouldn't behave very differently anyway but I have to mind my tongue about topics and at least mentally police my behaviour - it feels very claustrophobic and like I've gone backwards... Maybe I'm overthinking things and it's not such a big deal? Maybe I need to get out more? I don't want to cause any problems or awkwardness but I also don't have anywhere I can go for any privacy - I guess I've gotten used to being by myself during the day... And like I said I wouldn't really do anything different anyway - I guess it's just mental space I need? Anyhow thanks for listening! I know there are people with much more serious problems.
Hey I’m sorry you are going through that. I can totally understand that you don’t want to cause an issue but equally are very frustrated. If you were to go out would there be anywhere you could go that pull help you feel like you could be yourself?
Thank you! Now you mention it I've realised that I usually would go for a walk in the botanic gardens or a conservation park but it's also coming into winter here and raining every day so that's probably another reason I'm feeling claustrophobic and stir crazy! I might go to the library or something. Even if I'm not interacting with anyone at least I know I'm bi and out and comfortable - which I'm not feeling at home at the moment!
I think probably the place you go is less important, just the time and space will hopefully reset your head and lessen the frustration.
Yes I need to get out of the house and out of this headspace. I'm used to having space at home to reset but I'll have to get used to not having that for a while.
I think your post has made me see a flaw in my own thinking. I often feel like other peoples problems are worse than mine and that since I'm not going through anything catastrophic then it's not really worth bothering people over. I'm probably not going to suddenly change overnight and start posting about my chipped nail polish or something, but when it comes to wanting moral support, advice, a kind word, and to just feel like we are not alone in our plight, I don't think there is a struggle not worth mentioning to someone, if for nothing else than to just get it out. I suppose if I was in your situation I would be looking for ways to grab the wife and run off for day trips or outings, at least if things stretch beyond the house guest length of stay and into the "we have squatters," length of stay you indicated could possibly happen. I suppose you could always try and scare them off by mentioning that the neighborhood has "Queer Saturday block parties every week through the Summer months. It gets loud and ends around 3am." edit: I just realized you're in the southern hemisphere. It's Winter months coming for you.
Yes I like the queer block party idea! And yes I've always had the problem of thinking my problems are not worth bothering anyone with (partly why it took so many years to see a psychologist!). And I still can't do it without apologising! But you're right it is SO helpful to have someone listen - especially when there's no one to talk about it to in real life.. And yes my wife and I did go out to dinner (sort of - I was working but it was the only time we could fit it) a few weeks ago because she said she has been missing me too. But we should try to schedule more time. Part of the problem is we hardly see each other anyway because of our work and she has some health issues that make her really tired - so often she gets home and goes to bed poor thing. And I often work on weekends when she IS home! So I guess the little time that we have at home she needs to spend with her brother too... And yes it's getting wintery here so I haven't been getting out on my motorbike much (good alone time!) or going for walks..
I'm currently the out of town live in guest to a host family, but I try to pick my moments and can become scarce when needed. I get the impression they want me around more than I am, but I'm also not a relative, and maybe the novelty hasn't worn off just yet. Or maybe they secretly post on some forum somewhere about how I'm messing up their sex life. They have younger kids, so I can't do anymore harm in that department than the kids already do. Maybe the good that will come from this beside your wife reconnecting with her brother, is it will force the two of you to grow closer as you try to be proactive about carving out precious alone time with each other.
