A friend of mine has been really making an effort to get to know me more than just face value. I don't really announce how I feel about guys and haven't told anyone but feel like everyone suspects. I know she feels like I'm not being true with her and am guarded. Well today she directly said " I want you to know it doesn't matter to me. Are you straight, bi, gay? I just want to feel like I know who you are and that you trust me." Well I didn't answer at all. So she said. "Do you know" and I just said "yes" Now I feel like I've pretty said I'm not straight without saying it. It kinda feels like I was pushed into it and forced to reveal something not on my own terms. I almost feel like it was about her need to know and not my want to be open. Part of me wants to say yeah I like guys this is my truth but another part feels like something was taken away from me and now it's out there but not because I made the choice to put it out there. I know she is coming from a good place but it still makes me feel upset, revealed and robbed. Anyone have similar experiences? Just really uncertain how I feel and where to go from here feeling a lot of different emotions right now.
Your reaction makes total sense. I haven't had that experience personally because I don't mind telling people where the boundary is with me and if they are crossing it ... then I let the chips fall where they may. An example: I met some straight folks in a class I took a few years ago and one woman whom I would occasionally see around the City made it clear that she was very interested in me ... I think she felt sort of embarassed that I was friendly but unresponsive to her overtures. One night we had a "reunion" involving going to a bunch of different bars in SF and near the end of the evening she was pretty drunk and asked me and another guy what our "ideal woman" was like. There was a lot of loud music so no one could really give a cogent answer, but then she said to me "I think you like men anyway." I simply replied "I'm not interested" ... which she correctly understood as referring to my lack of interest in her. I felt no compunction to say anything else and that's the last I have heard of her.
I just thought of this and tried to edit my previous post to add it but it looks like only one edit is allowed. Oh well. But what I was going to add is a possible way to handle this sort of situation if it happens to you again (or anytime someone is asking you questions you don't want to answer), which is to turn it around on them by not answering but instead asking them a question. You might have asked her after she rudely persisted, for example, "Are you saying that our friendship depends upon my answering your question?" Most of the time people will back off at that point, but if they persist the trick is to continue to turn things back on them by asking them a question instead of answering. People who are polite and respectful will get the hint quickly, if they are nosy and pushy they may not for a while. The goal is to keep the psychological upper hand over such nosy types.
Years ago I had a similar situation , at work. I was only ever "out" to a couple of trusted people at work, I felt my colleagues didn't need to know about my personal life , they were colleagues not friends. During a break colleagues were discussing other colleagues who had started dating, and one particularly nosy, bitchy woman turned to me saying "for all we know you could be gay". I just smiled and said "you just never know , do you ?" . I didn't want to deny myself but no way was I answering someone who just wanted to know, she wasn't interested in me personally , plus I'd never be impertinent and rude and say to someone "for all we know you could be straight".
