I’m not sure where to start with this, but I guess the best way to do it is with a brief catch up: about a year and a half ago my parents split up. I stayed with my mom in Tennessee and my dad moved to California and remarried. For about six month I lived with my mom in an apartment and watched as she completely destroyed her life. She was in self destruct mode and I knew I had to get out as unscathed as possible. It just wasn’t a good living condition. I had just graduated high school and decided to move to California with my dad. I had always wanted to live in California so it was an amazing new start for me, and even though I hated leaving my mom I knew I was making the right decision for my future. So flash forward almost 8 months, and I feel like I’ve fallen into a huge rut. I started attending community college but can’t make any friends there, and I feel like I have no life at all. It’s not only the lack of friends thing that gets me down. Lately I’ve just been getting sad for no reason. I have no motivation to do anything at all and I can feel myself slowly giving up my dreams for the future. I even think I’m starting to develop an eating disorder but don’t care enough to really do anything about it. Basically I think I’m becoming depressed but I really am not sure why. I did really good the first couple months I was here, surprisingly well transitioning into my new life. I was sad about leaving my mom but I never let that overtake my life. What I’m trying to say is I was doing really good mentally but over the past couple months my mental health has really declined and I’m not sure if it has to do with my messed up family or just the lack of friends or what. I know that I would definitely improve if I had a friend here but I don’t think that’s the main issue. I’m just all over the place. I went to therapy a couple times after I moved and the therapist even told me herself that she was surprised at how well I was adjusting. It almost feels like I’m backtracking now though. I just feel like I’m slipping. I feel bad about it because I’m getting almost everything I ever wanted in high school but I feel emptier inside than I ever did then (and I was a closeted teen in the rural south. Now I’m out of the closet living in one of the most accepting place in the country). It just doesn’t make sense. I thought I would be flourishing by now but I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I didn’t mean to make this feel like a therapy session, but I just needed to let this out. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there anything I can do to help myself before it’s too late? Anything is appreciated.
I honestly think I was outright depressed in college. It’s a high stakes, high stress environment and it lays the foundation for your future career and it’s a time that you’re start of socially starting over. For me, it’s when a lot of dreams died because I knew I didn’t know what I was, but not heterosexual. It meant the life I’d pictured as a kid wasn’t going to happen and my welcomness in the community I’d grown up in had an expiration date. Evangelicals don’t much like single, childless people over 30. They don’t say it outright, but you see it and feel it. I slept all the time. Gained about 70lbs. Skipped a bunch of class. Hated myself. A lot. Barely survived. For making friends, if it’s possible for you to either live on campus or find some clubs you’re interested in, that’s a fantastic way to make them. It might also be worth seeing if you can see a therapist again. I really, really wish I had because I let myself get to a brink and barely made it out. It probably didn’t have to be that way if I had gotten help. Maybe they can give you some tools to help you dig out.
You told us that you consulted a therapist when you first moved to California and I just wonder why that was? I ask this question because you seemed to have gone for therapy when everything was quite well after the move and it's normally when things begin to slide that most people go for therapy. If you look back over the past 18 months it has been a time of stress and upheaval and our bodies and minds sometimes react to all of that in a delayed way. It's possible that you felt excited and energised after moving from the difficult situation in Tennessee, but now the high has subsided and you are coming down with a bit of a bump. Do you think now might be the right time for therapy? Whilst it's true that friendship can help us through a difficult time, there is also a limit to friendship. If you think you are coming down and developing an eating disorder that's pretty serious and needs something more, don't you think?
