So I went out to lunch with one of my brothers and my sister. I’m only out to my parents not any siblings and my sister is born again evangelical Christian and very anti-gay. Of course during our lunch a wide range of topics come up including politics then gay marriage. Listening to my sister say that civil rights for black people was different because they were real people with hopes, dreams and lives. She is implying that being gay is a sinful life choice. I’m just thinking how I could never come out to her without estranging myself. Not an easy thing to do in a super large extended family all living in the same area. Things are already awkward enough with my parents who are sworn to secrecy. I just envy you guys/gals so much who have a supportive family. To be honest my family is really all I have being an adult in the suburbs when everyone my age is married with children. Is there anyone else out there that is sort of forced to stay in the closet to protect yourself from becoming completely alone? I mean I’ve tried to build another life for myself so I can fully come out and walk away from most of my family but that seems so unbelievable difficult. Where I live if you are gay you are either very young or very old, so there is not much of a social outlet for me. Except for EC out here in cyberspace.
Hi, My sister is an evangelical born again Chistian. Odd bit... I told her anyway, she was supportive, but only supportive in ways her evangelical friends cannot see. My coming out threw her into an evangelical closet. Make sure you show your sister the research by Dr. Rao on sexual preference.
I look forward to the day when narrow minded bigots have to hide in the closet lest people find out their shameful secret. You are amongst friends here.
Sounds like your sister needs to be educated. ... not that I think you should tell her anything, just commenting on her woeful amount of misinformation.
thanks guys, I once gave my sister a book on where the Bible comes from. She promised to read it. Kept it for a year and only looked at the chapter titles. Then she took the book to her church friends. Its as if she was asking them what to think. They thought it was from the devil or something. I wish she was the type that you could educate.
Where I live if you are gay you are either very young or very old, or more likely just as gay as you and your age but closeted, im beginning to understand the more we stop feeling unique the better ! lets not solve problems we dont yet have. keep well
Yes, very likely. Or also in a hetero marriage. My therapist has been asking me to get involved in lgbt social groups, but they all dominated by people much older than me. The bars are dominated by people much younger than me. This all contributes to those feelings of isolation. Not that age should matter so much, its more of a stage of life kind of thing compounded with the fact that I'm not a super social person. So if I feel out of place, I'll never go.
I highly recomend yoga. no kidding, gets you out of your head in a really good meditative way. your in a community but you dont have to be social, great work out and it gets you out of the house and out of your head
I thought the US was a place where you could find all-gay sports teams you could join, just for fun... or men's choirs, or other such recreational groups. Forgive my ignorance, I actually haven't the foggiest clue, but that's what I thought.
I totally understand where you are coming from, Tennbad70. I have a very extensive extended family in my life that is very conservative. I also have three of my grandparents living who are all 90+ years of age. When my parents got divorced several years back, it took my mom seven times to explain what divorce is, and that it means that she will not married anymore before she finally started to understand. So I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to explain being gay to them. I have walked in on conversations with different family members were they talk about all the sinners in the world, and solely focus on anything that is not the "traditional" marriage. Also had to withstand derogatory remarks made towards the LGBT community. I am also in the same situation as you where there are very few outlets where I can meet gay men. There are a few bars in the bigger cities, but it is very hard to have a conversation there, and I am not a bar or dance club type of person. Also most people who are out are the very young, who are accepted by their peer group...which is great to see. I am glad that they will not have to go through the pain and loneliness I had to go through during my teenage years, but I am still lonely and long for the companionship of another.
Thank you Iowan, knowing that I'm not alone in this specific situation helps me to feel less alone. You might be surprised exactly how similar our situations are. I have two 90+ grandparents still alive. I'm not even remotely interested in the club/bar scene. My family lives in the same general area. It seems every other week is someones b-day or something. Do you live near your family and see everyone on a regular basis? Do you see any options or possible pathways to achieve the companionship you seek? I hate the thought of doing nothing and getting older. Statistically with each passing day, companionship becomes less and less likely because of age.
Tennbad 70- I do see them semi-regularly, and I am expected to go to all family events. It is an expectation of all the cousins, even though most of us are now in our 20's and 30's. Most of us cousins, and my siblings, live about 90 minutes away from each other. The others are still in the Midwest though. Unfortunately, I do not see a pathway to achieve what I seek in a relationship. I have been online to a few dating websites, but I haven't found a guy that I am interested in. There are some real cute ones, but personality wise we wouldn't match, or they were a smoker...which is a automatic turn off for me. I am with you. It seems age is a huge factor with guys, and you are socially dead once you hit 30.
