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Feel Like I Can't Measure Up to my partner's Ex

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by skittle, Sep 14, 2015.

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  1. skittle

    skittle
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Ada
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hello everyone!

    I'm new here and I was hoping someone could give me some advice, or at least listen.

    I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over two years now. She identifies as a lesbian and when I met her, she was already divorced from an abusive man. They had a 12 year marriage with two children.

    Well, turns out she felt she was living a lie, which I can totally understand and she came out lesbian and started dating me.

    I know she loves me and I love her.

    I am not as experienced as her. She is my first serious relationship.
    The problem is, I can't help but feel self conscious sometimes that I don't measure up to the good qualities of her ex-husband. Yes, he was an abusive alcoholic. But he provided her with a roof under her head and two children, which she adores. He also makes significantly more money than I do.

    I know I shouldn't compare, but she has been hinting lately that she would like a house and kids. I want those things as well. But, I am not even close to being financially on the same level as her ex-husband.

    I can't help but think that she stayed with her husband for 12 years because he provided her with kids and a house. I can't do any of those things at the moment. :icon_sad:

    I have tried voicing this concern of mine to her, but she tells me she doesn't want to talk about it and that her love should be enough.

    Advice?
     
    #1 skittle, Sep 14, 2015
  2. Sek

    Sek
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    You have to remember that she has chosen you and is continuing to choose you. She picked you over her ex-husband.

    Again: she picked you over her ex-husband.

    Would you want her to only stay with you because you had money and could provide kids? Deep down, you know the answer is no.

    She picked you because she loves you.

    Maybe you can't provide financially like he can. But you are providing something he couldn't - and not just lady parts (a joke!) -- you are able to make her feel happy by returning the love she has for you.

    It sounds like self-doubt is getting the best of you and I encourage you to address that with yourself. Take some time, put your thoughts on paper and come back to them later. Read what you wrote and think about it. You will most probably read it and see it differently than when you wrote it. When you read it back, write a response with some encouragement for yourself.

    Remember: there's a reason that she picked you.
     
    #2 Sek, Sep 14, 2015
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