For the past couple years I have been chatting to women online I have been seeking out lesbians in particular for what I think is I'm longing for an emotional connection with someone.I have been curious about my sexuality for 3 years now but in the past labeled myself as bi even though I've never been with a woman and I've never told anyone before but him which he thinks it was a phase. I've only been with one person my children's father for 9 years now.The problem is I don't know why I started seeking to find someone to talk to I found it to become very addictive at the time I was well I think I was comfortable with life I don't know but I started forming online relationships with lesbians nothing serious but more then friendships I don't condemn being dishonest at all and I know it was wrong for me to seek affection elsewhere but that was not my intention.It started off with chats then it became somewhat sexual that's when I'd pull away because guilt would kick in.I would avoid online chatting for a while thinking I was cured from it then something would drag me back in I'd met a lady online who I've never met in person but only chatted to on cam it's been few years now and I can't escape what my heart has fallen fall.Ive tried walking away making her hate me but nothing works I've been questioning my whole identity and life for a while now and it's eating me up like nothing I've experienced my partner knows I've been talking to her but thinks we are friends but I've fallen for her and her to me.Ive changed so much I can't think straight I'm always looking at women I'm always wondering what it'd be like to be with one.I feel so high from these feelings but I also feel immense guilt to everyone.Its been 2 weeks now since I've spoken to her I told her I can't go on with how I feel but really not being able to talk to her is killing me but I must do this to not brig anyone else any pain.Id rather suffer this heartache then bring my family into what I created.Is it possible I'm a closeted lesbian? I have lost all interest in sex In the past 3 years I just don't think I'm ever going to get the desire back.Can this trigger me to be gay by online chatting or does it need to be more? I have had crushes on friends since being like this.
Hello, LostMyself. It's your job to answer that question but I think that a straight girl won't wake up one day and start chatting with lesbians online. Did you like it when the conversations started to be somewhat sexual? Was it just the quilt what stopped you? I don't think that online chatting with gay people could trigger a person to become gay but can trigger a person to start questioning their sexuality/acknowledge being gay themselves. In my case I'd lived for many years in a completely gay-free environment and even though there were hints about me being a lesbian I'd never questioned myself. What "triggered" me was when I started watching TV shows with lesbian characters and later reading fanfic. It gave me some kind of a mirror and a realization that what I watch/read is what I want. Since then I've slowly, step by step, let myself to act on my suppressed desire and discovered how strongly I'm actually drawn to women. :icon_wink
Yes I liked it and the guilt is why I stopped and I knew it was wrong as it started getting out of hand.I think it's safe to say I was attracted to these women on an emotional level if it's classed as that.The sexual side wasn't as fulling as what I got inside due to it was all talking basically.
