So, hey I'm only out to one family member. My mom. I'm having trouble dealing with her rude comments. Mostly it's her views that cause me to be insecure with myself, she's not a good person to start with, though. She believes as a trans guy, I will never be satisfied with myself, bcuz I was always be a man who's lacking. A smaller penis, and a curvy woman's body, that I'll make the "change" and I'll regret it and be sad. That I will somehow miss my old life and that I'm not really a man. I don't like to confront her, because she believes she is always right and she will gladly use her power in the household to assert her views as the law. I don't think it's right, I have to believe what she does. I personally don't think when I am doing "a man's job" such as lifting I'm a woman doing "a man's job." I'm just..a trans man. It's these little things that get to me. Lately, she gets sad, when she's learned I've made a masculine change and she didn't know about it, like she's missing out. But, here's the thing, she doesn't try to hide her disgust, she doesn't try to understand, she simply doesn't care. It's wrong and that's that. My lgbt friends must have brainwashed me and I'm confused. But, here's the thing, I learned they were all lgbt, right after I came out. I had a trans friend once and I respected him, but she never did. Do mom's have to respect pronouns and name changes, they have known me longer than anyone else, it's the biggest change for them? Should family be informed when I start hormones? Should I come out to family now, or later? See..this is an issue as mom expresses obvious shame, and uncomfortability. I understand people will look badly on her now, for allowing her kid to be trans. What, I'm worried most about, is her sudden harshness and restrictions after I come out to other family members. Basically, suddenly I may be required to hide my manliness when family comes over, as it's shameful and embarrassing to everyone and I'm doing her favor, without her having to excuse away my man things, like cologne. I don't enjoy this environment..the shame..the uncomfortable, angry, disappointed looks..and the constant comments about how I will never be an adequate man. Firstly, I don't care, if my size is average, or if my bone structure is small for a man, or if I'm short for a man, or have girly eyes, or face. I "change" because, it makes me happy, I'm doing it for me, not anyone else. I'm happy with myself, I am, man-woman mix and all, and I know who I am. I'm just waiting for the outside world to see it too. If, they never see it, it's fine. But, there's a certain level of respect, I think I deserve. Adults I've met dismiss my respect as entitlement. But, all I'm asking is too call me by my proper name, or pronouns, I don't expect them to suddenly see me as a man, because I know that will never happen. But, I don't want to deal with the drama and the crying fits and the "I've lost my daughter" I try to be tolerant, but there's just some days, I'm just..furious. I'm happy and then, I have to listen to them cry and get angry and make up excuses for who I am, to reassure themself.
