Ok so currently I'm enjoying my summer between High School and college. I can't wait to go to college partially because I made a plan to just be fully out of the closet during college. So I went to orientation and there came a perfect opportunity to tell my orientation group I was gay... and I took it. I was so happy everyone was accepting and for once i could actually talk about it with other people. Now here I am, home from graduation after having a great time. I added a couple of the friends I made on facebook and then I was like wait... None of these other people know I'm gay. What do I do? :help:
Can you just message those people and let them know you're not out to everyone yet, and not to post anything publicly about you being gay for now?
Your out of high school! The hardest part is over! College is full of intellectuals, liberals, and secular people! People who make fun of you will be made fun of for doing so! How important are these high school "friends" of yours? College is the place to make new connections and meet better, more true friends. Good luck!
It depends on how out you want to be. I know a lot of people in your situation who just casually change their FB status and then start posting things that sort of make it obvious and, honestly, most people either don't really notice or don't care. If it's important to not have your FB friends notice, then you can really lock down your profile so that every post someone else makes has to be moderated, or is only seen by you, and do things that way. I totally understand the fear. Been there done that. So it's really a matter of how comfortable you are. I think it's always a stretch to tell a group of people you've known... but I think you'll be surprised at how accepting most people are.
You are awesome! I wouldn't have the guts for that and it's a little hard for me because people ignore it because I'm feminine. So they think I just want attention you know but when they see with a girl my choir group freaks out and I'm like seriously!? lol
Honestly, I don't think many people who you've just came out to will want to shout your choice to the world over facebook of all places. Chances are, sexual orientation discussion will rarely come up in your newsfeed unless the people you've came out to are gay themselves. So I doubt you'll have much to worry about with your old groups of friend on facebook, unless you're already experiencing potential problems. If you are, then I'd start the damage control early. Change your settings to you're interested in the same sex. Honestly, that should be good enough. I think the worst that could happen, entering a college environment and leaving your high school buddies behind, is that they delete you on facebook, and most people don't even do that much, they generally just ignore it. In disclosure, I don't know much about coming out because I am not out myself (bisexual guy here). But I think it's less of a worry on facebook compared to a discussion with someone or a group, face-to-face. Especially when you'll be leaving them all behind for college and are already open to your feelings at the college-level. I wouldn't worry if I were you.
Thanks for all the great feedback everyone! If you don't want to listen to me ramble skip to the end with an overview. I guess where I'm looking for is a completely out stature in college. Let everyone know, tell who you want kinda thing. I don't know these people so why not have my first impression be a gay one am I right? :icon_wink Where the real problem lies is as the numbers of facebook friends I accrue that see me as a completely out of the closet person there is a greater chance of them talking about it facebook. The other people I'm not out to are purely High School. People I've known for years but aren't really going to know for much longer. For example I have a friend a year younger than I am who thinks I'm completely straight, but we aren't really close enough friends for a designated coming to him. I will see him a little this summer but after that I'm not really expecting much else. I kinda am trying to avoid have the awkward coming to someone, when they are going to be a non-factor in my life shortly. As well as avoiding the "Why didn't you tell me?" conversation. And especially the,"I always sorta knew," conversation from people you don't really know that well. No one ever really likes those. :dry: Have you ever had those couple of friends that make weird penis jokes, and joke about being gay and shooting each other "looks?" Its so awkward you just sorta act along? Well I do. And I won't really know them for much longer but, them finding out I don't know what I would do. :icon_redf Overview: I am entering college with the mentality that I am out of the closet and skipping the coming out all together. I'm adding some new friends to facebook that see this side of me and are completely cool with it. The old friends I never really felt like coming out to since I wasn't super close friends with them are facebook friends with me. I want to avoid the topic of me being gay pretty much. Comment Answer time. Give a little more detail by answering some of the comment. @TheStormInside The problem with telling them that is I'd be breaking down the image I want to have by telling them this. Plus as the numbers are now creeping into the 20's that's become like a tenth of my friends I can't really tell all of them not to post about it. @gman025726 You're right most of these friends are not all that important. Some I'm even holding out on unfriending until the end of the summer. Friends of friends sorta thing but I don't want them to be like, "Why'd you unfriend me?" When we are all hanging out at a mutual friend's house. @Chip Here lies the issue I want to be fully out to one group. Like no sign of closet. But deep inside the closet at the same time with another. I don't think I want to go as far as changing my facebook status, rocking the classic no answer for the interested in section, but at the same time don't want to limit what my new friends can talk about. @Captain66 Most of what you said was answered above but just to add this one thing some of the people I friended are gay people I met. Well this turned out to be quite the post. Sorry for its incredible length and thanks again for all your help! (*hug*)
Wow. I'm in the exact same boat. The only thing I can say to you is be proud of who you are. If it so happens that it does get out or spread a lot on Facebook. Nobody who is a real friend or a good family member will say anything mean to you. If they do they aren't people you should associate yourself with.
