Hello all, I have feeling very perplexed these recent months about where I stand on relationships and sexuality and was hoping to get help from people who (I hope) have been position as me at some point. Around a year ago I realised that I was not straight, though I in truth didn't think I was gay. I settled on the feeling that I was Bi, however I have been seriously doubting this lately. It started when a girl gave me a note stating that she had a crush on me and at around this point I realised that I didn't like her back, nor any other girls. Contemplating on this further I understood that I didn't have any romantic feelings to other boys either. I've never had a crush on anyone and by extent have never talked to anyone about romantic feelings. I know that asexuality is possible but I am not repulsed by the idea of sex or pornography and I do get turned on by things like porn (both gay and straight). I also so have a feeling of being transgender as I find that being female is what I'd like to be. Is this just something that will pass? Or will it stay until I deal with it? I haven't come out to anyone though I have noticed some people think I may not be straight (such as some of my friends as well as my mom). I apologise if I come off as egotistical but any ideas what's going on would be greatly appreciated and I'm happy to answer any questions that could help with getting to the bottom of this. Thanks!
I can't really say anything helpful on your gender identity dilemma (? probably a bad word to use), but I can say that some asexual people aren't necessarily repulsed by sex, but just aren't interested. Some even masturbate! It just depends on the person. It could also be that you're demisexual and just don't really feel sexually attracted to a person until you've gotten really close.
You don't say how old you are, and that can have a huge bearing on things. It's quite possible that you simply haven't reached the place where you're feeling much in the way of sexual desire yet. I wouldn't stress at this stage with gender identity and first focus on your attractions. One of the best suggestions that usually helps is to masturbate without porn, and try fantasizing about guys in one session, girls the next, and see which creates greater arousal and excitement. Usually that gives you a pretty good idea. Another suggestion is to simply be OK with being unsure or unclear for a bit. This is something that often takes some time to work through and figure out, but if you are simply open to the uncertainty, I think you'll find that it will start to clarify itself before too long
Thanks for the advice! I'm 14 but I hit puberty at around 11 and have felt confused from that point on. On the subject of masturbating, I found that I get turned on by the idea of being the bottom (be it with a guy, girl with strap on, shemale etc.) And fantasise with being both female and male. I do however intensely dislike the idea of being a top for both sexes
This may be something you simply have to sit with for a while. At 14, with 3 years into puberty, you probably have a pretty good handle on the sexual development side of things, but getting a clear picture on where things are may simply take a while. One thing that I can say with near certainty: Nothing in what you've described sounds like you are asexual, at least as the majority of professionals and researchers in the field use the term. Nor would I completely rule out the idea that at some point you might change your feelings about topping for either sex. What you're describing isn't at all uncommon for someone your age, and sometimes it's simply a matter of waiting for the right person to come along to activate those feelings.
