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Exit plan

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Butterfly6, Jan 18, 2019.

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  1. LaneyM

    LaneyM
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    I'm in the helping professions and also feel the need to be "on" at work and seem like I have my life together. I really love what I do but some days it's harder than others, today is one of those days.
     
    #41 LaneyM, Jan 25, 2019
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  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Hi :slight_smile:

    A bit late to the party but I can relate to a lot of what’s been posted in this thread.

    When I first questioned my sexuality I was s stay-at-home parent, with no career to fall back on. I can really relate to that feeling of being trapped and wanting out now. It’s really easy to get caught up in thoughts and questioning at the expense of planning and taking actions towards the future you want. Ultimately there was no quick fix, I stayed at home until my daughter was three, then spent a year career training and even then, I was still balancing the financial advantages my daughter would have if we stayed together, against my own happiness. What helped me (and it may or may not work for you) was to retrame the situation in my mind, instead of being trapped, I was choosing to stay at that moment because it was the best thing for my family. That’s not say I would be there forever, but at that moment, I was choosing to stay, whilst working towards a different future.

    As it is, my situation is now one of those “get out quick” types and the ball is almost rolling, so I’m not really in that situation anymore. I can, however, relate and it’s not easy to stay in a relationship indefinitely, with no clear idea of when you’ll get to be where you want to be.
     
    #42 LostInDaydreams, Jan 26, 2019
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  3. Butterfly6

    Butterfly6
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    Ugh, I'm just always all over the place. 1 minute I'm fantasizing about a relationship with a woman, the next I'm all over my husband and thinking about doing something special for him or next I'm thinking about a random guy.

    I feel like there's no hope for me. I remember when my feelings mellowed out for a girl friend in high school and I started thinking about guys again.

    I guess I'm wondering if I actually tried a relationship with another woman; if that would finally be enough...
     
    #43 Butterfly6, Jan 26, 2019
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  4. L8bloomer

    L8bloomer
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    This is where I’m at now. My mind is almost made up that I need to leave. I know I can’t sustain living this way forever, as it’s slowly destroying me. And yet I can’t leave right now due to financial concerns and also that I’m looking for a job with less travel. There are also some health things that I need to take care of. But I feel stuck and trapped and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to leave. My therapist and I made a list of the pros and cons of leaving vs staying, and it was just so apparent that I can’t go on like this for long. I’ve gained weight, I’m drinking more. I’m not performing at work because I feel like a failure. I’m not at my best as a mom. I just feel so lost. But... to reframe this all as, I will leave but just not right now - that might help. I admire your perseverance through your situation. Did your husband know your intentions? Or did you keep it from him? I can imagine that would be so difficult...
     
    #44 L8bloomer, Jan 26, 2019
  5. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Hi @L8bloomer

    Yes, I can relate to the work related stuff too. In simple terms, I was forced to leave my job last summer, before I was pushed out. It wasn’t entirely my home situation, but that certainly didn’t help because I wasn’t as focused as I needed to be. I’m coping better now, but some days are hard.

    And no, my partner is complete unaware and I can’t let him find out what I’m planning, so it’s a case of doing everyinh whilst he’s away at work or whatever.

    @Butterfly6 It’s easy to get caught up in fantasies about women. I never thought about other men, but I did have moments where I wanted to do things for my partner, which I think is because I liked the “safety” and “normality” of being in a heterosexual relationship. There were times when I really wanted it to work. It’s really hard.

    Remind me, have you discussed opening up your relationship with husband?
     
    #45 LostInDaydreams, Jan 26, 2019
  6. Brandy Bee

    Brandy Bee
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    It doesn't sound like it. Maybe marriage and monogamy simply aren't for you?
     
    #46 Brandy Bee, Jan 27, 2019
  7. Contented

    Contented
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    Like heteronormative myths about sexual orientation, old ideas regarding marriage and monogamy are slowly being eliminated. Traditional Marriage seems to be fading as is the idea that monogamy is only possible “ right” behavior. I think as more and more of these societal programmed behaviors are exposed as bogus we will be able live and love as we choice. If marriage and monogamy straight or gay is not for you, so be it. It’s your life.
     
    #47 Contented, Jan 27, 2019
  8. Fuzzy

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    Yeah, I definitely think it's affecting my work performance and unfortunately for me, I don't particularly like my job... Working on changing jobs.
     
    #48 Fuzzy, Jan 27, 2019
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