Everything kind of imploded today.

Aldrick,

You are a very wise man. 'Nuf said.

 

Aldricks advice is good.

Just to add;

Condoms - you don't have to rely on your mum for jonnys. I'm sure you know this, but you can get condoms and lube (KY Jelly is the most popular) from any pharmacy/chemist.

Even better, In the UK you can get them for free from your local sexual health clinic;

Find Sexual health information and support services - NHS Choices

 

Better to ask and feel stupid than to not ask and actually do something stupid. And most of us oldsters here aren't going to pretend that teenagers don't have sex.

So ask away. And kudos to you for being on here and looking for support for the other things going on in your life. I've been following your story and want to commend you for getting through this whole thing.

 

Hmm good point I guess.

 

1. Gossiping Girls. I'm glad you didn't run into any problems. That's a good sign. The girls, as I pointed out previously, are asking you tons of questions because they want gossip material. As a general guideline I don't think that their intent is malicious. The best way to deal with them is to be honest but blunt. "Yes, I'm gay. No, I'm not going to answer a ton of personal questions, because my personal life isn't something for school yard gossip." If they are pushy or attempt to be manipulative about it, be polite and tell them to have a good day / night then excuse yourself. "All right, look. It's like I said, I'm not answering a ton of personal questions. So, I'm going to head off. Have a good night. We'll speak some other time."

After that, you just walk away, and end the conversation completely. They might not be happy about it, but they'll have to respect it because you won't be giving them a choice.

2. LGBT Youth Group. It's not about switching out your straight friends for gay friends. It's about expanding your circle of friends to include more people, and trying to connect with people who are experiencing similar things as you. There is no pressure to go if you don't want to go, but it's good to know it's there if you want to go or feel you need to go later down the road. Having options like this is always a good thing.

3. Extended Family. Ugh. I know the types you're talking about, as I have an extended family full of them as well. Mine happen to be religious bible thumpers. There really is no good advice to give here, aside from the fact that eventually at some point they'll find out. You're going to be out and open in a relationship at some point in your life, and that's going to get back to them. It's unrealistic (and you shouldn't have to!) hide that from them.

How you decide to deal with that will vary greatly depending on their reaction, as well as your level of tolerance of their bigotry. It's a side and minor issue at this point, though. When it becomes an issue it's something that can be discussed and hashed out with your mother and brother. That way everyone is on the same page on how to deal with the extended family.

4. Alex Situation. It's good that you'll be careful. I simply want you to realize the potential risks involved, and manage them as best you can.

Most people feel this way, but there is a danger in feeling this way and not voicing it. If you don't vocalize it then it'll find a way to manifest in other ways. For example, you could find yourself being uncomfortable in certain public situations with him and thus you strive to avoid them. He will notice that. Alternatively, he may do something that makes you uncomfortable, and it then brings all your fears and concerns immediately to the forefront. That'll usually end up in an argument, because you'll be angry, and he'll likely become defensive.

Bad things and future drama can be avoided by having a discussion about it before problems arise. It doesn't have to be in a harsh or neglectful tone. Just be honest: You've just recently been outed. You're still coming to terms with everything. You want a relationship with him, but you don't feel comfortable with everyone knowing about it yet. Especially considering that you just broke up with your ex-girlfriend. Ask for time for things to settle down, and for you to get more comfortable with being out of the closet before people start finding out.

I mean, really, what's the alternative if you avoid having the discussion? What happens if he starts to say or do stuff that makes you uncomfortable?

5. Your Mother. You're in a difficult position right now. Being fourteen you're not quite an adult, and you're not quite a kid. You want the freedom and independence to start making your own decisions, and yet at the same time you still need some guidance because you don't yet have the life experience to make well informed choices. There are usually two ways you get that life experience. You either get it from someone who has traveled a similar path in your life before (which is what you get here as advice), or you fuck up a lot and try to learn from your mistakes. In the end, it's usually a combination of both.

I totally understand how you feel about your mother, and if I were in your shoes I'd feel the same way. It's natural to feel the way that you do. However, as a neutral observer - someone who doesn't have a personal or emotional stake in the situation - I can also see things from your mothers perspective. It probably helps a bit since I'm probably close to her age. (Ugh writing that makes me feel old as fuck. :lol

Even under the most favorable circumstances your mother would be struggling on how to deal with your teenage years. You're growing up. You're her kid. She's spent a big chunk of her life sheltering you under her wing, and it's her natural inclination to continue doing it. On the flip side of that, like I said, you're growing up. Mother hen constantly hovering is problematic. This situation is naturally and innately filled with tension, even under the most ideal and best of circumstances.

Add to all of this the fact that virtually no situation is "ideal" or "favorable", and the fact that you're gay - an interesting twist that she probably didn't expect. ...and well, you find yourself exactly where you are right now.

I can tell from what you've written that your mother genuinely loves you and wants what is best for you. However, as they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. She may want what is best, but she almost certainly is struggling (and probably has no clue) how to handle any of what is going on right now. This is what is leading her to make these wild and crazy suggestions like pulling you out of your current school and putting you in private school.

This is the danger that you face. That she could make a bad decision that has a negative impact on your life. My goal here, and my hope, is that I can somehow help you find a way to navigate this situation with your mother until she finds her footing. Once she has a chance to process everything, and a new normal is established I think you'll both be fine. Until then, things are a bit chaotic and uncertain.

On that point, I think you're right to hold off on having a conversation with your mother about any fears or concerns about what may go down at school. The fact that she's talking about moving you to a different school, tells me that she is concerned and it isn't in your interest to have her panic.

So far, at least, things have gone rather well for you. You haven't really had a chance to return to school yet since the news broke, if I am not mistaken, but once you've been going a week or so - you'll be able to better assess how things will go down. With some luck, things will continue on their current track, and you won't have any serious issues to worry about. You can then report that to your mother, and hopefully that will calm her fears.

One thing that may help your situation is to put your mother in a position where she can get good advice and support. Things could go really bad for you if she turns to the wrong people for support or advice, as they could easily play upon her fears and concerns, and lead her down a path that isn't in your best interest.

If you have LGBT Youth groups in your area, then you almost certainly have a PFLAG in your area as well. (PFLAG = Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.) They're a support group, and they'd likely be able to steer your mother in a more positive direction. They'll hopefully be able to help her sort things out, which in turn could make your life easier.

I highly recommend looking them up, and seeing if there is an active chapter in your area.

6. Sex Stuff. I'll answer your questions in the other thread as soon as I get the opportunity.

 

It's her fault she's in this situation to begin with. maybe she'll learn not to go through my shit.

sorry but i have to comment on this. as a parent of a boy about your age, she goes through your "shit" because she loves you not because she's nosy or just messing with you. your mother is and if you let her will forever be your greatest ally, she wants to put you in another school to protect you, she only gave you a half dozen condoms because she doesn't want to give you the message that sex at 14 is ok with her but she gave you some to keep you safe. everything is up in the air right now, that's to be expected, it will settle down in time, but making peace with your mom will make it settle quicker. like i said i have a boy about your age, i am Dad and Mom to him just like your mom is to you, the difference between my family and yours is that we have a very open communication relationship, but there are times where i have to step in and be the dad that says, this is the way it will be and that's that, sometimes your mom has to as well. you have to respect that, she is your mom.

the other part is your 14 she pays for everything you have. when you pay your own freight it's your "shit", till then it's her "shit" and you get to use it.

i understand getting bullied, for lots of reasons, i have scars on my body, had broken bones, and have scars on my heart and soul. maybe because of that if you were my kid and someone did to you what was done at the pool, i would have held his head in the toilet till the bubbles stopped coming to the top. but that's just me.