Engaged and now doubting sexuality... need advice please!

hey and have you both been to pre-marital counseling too? Both kinds would be good for you. Best wishes!

 

yeah def do for you...but he is stupid to not want general pre-marital counseling anyways, cuz I have a friend who was one and said if couples went before marriage they could do so much better they would not need marital counseling to prevent a divorce! Lots of other things you may not have even thought of discussing in 8 years could come up and be important to think about...and I know I would. But you go to the one for your issues and see what you can benefit from it anyways.

 

That's why personally I think you should slow it down a bit. Cancel the wedding? Not until you're sure it's what you want. He does deserve someone who is 100% committed to him, especially when it comes to marriage. Feelings can be complex and sexuality is fluid, keep that in mind.

Have you thought about going on a few dates with a girl (or two), if your boyfriend is okay with that? If it turns out to be just an experimental thing, then you've thrown what sounds like a good life away. If you feel better, more complete with a woman, then I think you have your answer.

That's how I knew that I'm a lesbian. I could date a guy casually, until things were supposed to get physical. Not attracted and I feel 'whole' with women. It can take a few months, even years for your emotions to shift.

Also, look back at your childhood. Were there 'signs' about your sexual orientation. Looking back I remember this one girl who I thought was the most beautiful, funniest and coolest girl. I admired her, but there was another feeling I couldn't pigeonhole at the time. I liked her. It just felt different somehow.

Time to do some soul-searching, Kgirl. Best of luck.

~Rae. ♥

 

Live Love Smile, you are very wise for your age. You must have an old soul I know exactly what people are talking about when they say "something is missing"

 

I don`t think you should make a final decision until he knows the truth, and the full, honest truth. He will be as affected as you by what you choose, so he should be allowed to take part in the decision having all the facts. I know this is incredibly hard, I struggle as heck with these things. Just breaking up with someone breaks almost more of me than the person I am breaking up with. I absolutely hate it. But we can`t be selfish with these things.

If you do marry him, you might be looking at 20 years of wondering "If".

To be completely honest with you, I think part of the problem is your lack of experience. A problem with turning to commitment at a young age, or when one only has been with 0/1 other people, is that you don`t really know yourself. You don`t really know yourself sexually, you don`t really know who you are. So then, suddenly something like this can smack you, and you don`t know what to do about it. It is completely natural that you feel torn and confused. I have a lot of sympathy for the situation you are in *hugs*

I think you have to do what is best for you and him, and that is probably not something we can tell you here.

From what you describe though, I do think that if you marry this guy, chances are big that you will at some point be unfaithful. When you describe being with this girl as being the star of a romantic movie, it kind of shows that you really got something from this experience, and when we experience something like this it is a hard thing to walk away from and never have again. It is possible though. Only you know how much this affected you, and how much you want it.

If it is purely the physical, then I would think about whether good sex is worth sacrificing someone you love. If however, it is about more than just the sex, if even the emotional intimacy (stroking your hair, holding you, hugging, etc) felt better, more fulfilling, then I think chances are good you really ought to be with someone else.

But again, those are just my thoughts. Take it with a bag of salt. (Yeah, I know the term is grain, but...)

 

This breaks my heart.
I so know how you feel.

---------- Post added 11th Jan 2013 at 09:49 PM ----------

Marriage is such a difficult issue.
We may have to reexamine marriage for a new time.

 

Hi Kgirl, have you decided what you are going to do? I've been in a straight relationship myself for the past 4 years but felt I liked women since the age of 11. I really wanted make my relationship work because coming out terrified me and I really care for this guy but it turns out that he cheated on me once (possibly because I wasn't able to give him the level of sexual release he needed) so I think we both could be better off taking a break from the situation for now but i'm still plucking up the courage to tell him this...

Hope your situation is a bit more positive!