Hey, guys, I've been away for a bit, but it's time to stage a return with some really sad news; I tried to come out to my parents today. I did it in the car — probably stupidest thing I could've done, really, but my sister was fast asleep. It seemed the right time. But it wasn't. My parents tell me now it was like I had killed them. They were horrified; I'm fourteen, and so they've convinced themselves that it's a phase. It's just puberty messing with my mind, that I'm too young. They have no idea how these things work — I don't know how to tell them you don't just decide these things. They're trying to diagnose me with all sorts of things, because they feel they can't accept me because of the 'Indian society they grew up in'; it's one of the saddest things I've had to put up with, really. I feel so hopeless. They asked me if I could change myself just to make them happy, initially. Now they just think it's going to go away, that I think it because of my obsession with being different, and special. That I think it's 'cool'. I pretended that they were right, that it was a phase. And now I've told them that I'll focus on my studies and submitted to their demands for me to look at things with 'lenses of heterosexuality'. I don't know what to do anymore, guys. They told me to let nature take its course — do they really think I'm going to clam up and become 'straight'? And when do they think is the right age? Mid-twenties? My mother's been heartbreakingly sad all day. They cried in the car. They feel like my homosexuality is some sort of burden, a curse. I don't want to hurt my parents. I don't want to feel like some freak of nature. Jesus, I sound terrible. Sorry, loves.
First and foremost, I want to extend my sincerest apologies to you and your circumstances. It goes without saying that you deserve more and you are not at fault. Unfortunately, I suspect they do think that homosexuality is a phase. Nor do I imagine they feel it will ever be a permanent feature in your life-- so that they can feel secure believing that your homosexuality will fade, with time. Although you did not request any advice, I figured I could offer some. Perhaps it might help to *tolerate* your parents until you are in a position where financial freedom is yours to live elsewhere. This is for you to decide but when people begin taking, rather than adding, to the enjoyment of life then this technique of tolerance is a useful tactic to employ-- as you will meet many people who, in some way or another, will do the same. By tolerate I mean choose your battles wisely and accept the part of their presence that adds to your life and ignore the aspects that do not. I hope your parents come around but, regardless, congratulations on coming out and I hope you find yourself in more positive circumstances someday soon.
Hi, I only have time for a quick response right now but first off... remember that you've been dealing with this for a while, and it's brand new to them. To anyone newly dealing with any loss (in this case, loss of perception that you're straight) there are stages: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. The "Oh, it's something you choose and you can change it" is essentially denial. If you simply, gently, and with empathy keep talking about it, provide them with information, eventually they'll realize that it isn't a phase, and isn't something that can change... but you have to be prepared for the rest of the stages (anger-bargaining-grief) that come before acceptance. In short, they're learning to deal with somethign they've just become aware of. Give them time. My guess is that given some time to accept and understand (assuming they're at least open to reading/learning), they'll come around.
