I think I already know the answers to these rambling questions, but I'm tired, and unwell, so I think I just need to get this stuff off my chest... I've started coming out to my close friends. I'm pretty sure I'm gay, my fantasies have been full of me kissing guys, and going further, and the idea of doing the same with the opposite sex just puts me off. I've had sex with a woman, but I felt it was pretty unfulfilling - I was in denial, and didn't want to admit it at the time (quite a few years ago now), but I felt something was missing. I'm worried that it win't feel any better if I fulfil my gay fantasies. What if something is still missing? What if I'm not actually gay, and simply haven't met the right woman? It's silly - I mean, I know I'm gay - I've known, deep down, for about 20 years. But what if I'm confused, and putting myself through the stress of coming out for nothing? Like I said, deep down I know the answers, I know I'm gay. I just can't aleep, have a sore throat that's keeping me up, I need to get up for work in under 5 hours, and my mind is spinning in circles right now... :bang:
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I found myself thinking this way too, especially this past week since I just officially came out to my first family member (my mother). I know I am a 14 year old girl so, I'm not sure what amazing advice I could give you. All I know is, we need to just let go of all fear. We need to just come out and deal with it. If you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm here.
Thanks, CC. I think I just need to get it out of my system. That's always been the worst part of insomnia for me - knowing that I need to sleep, yet not being able to stop thinking random thoughts that stop me from sleeping. I don't think I'm really after advice - like I said, I know I'm being completely irrational. I'm kind of hoping that if I type this lot out and keep staring at the screen I might drop off to sleep LOL. In a way I feel 14 again myself - this whole world is new to me, and I don't have much of a clue where to start. I certainly feel as socially awkward as I did back then. I think my biggest fear is not being able to find the right person, male or female, and winding up growing old lonely. Argh I need sleep...
This is such a common fear; one that I've had myself on numerous occasions. For me, it was always along the lines of; "I don't find women repulsive or vagina's nasty, gross, and ugly! I could probably fuck one if I wanted, maybe I'm really bisexual, maybe I'm deluding myself into being gay." Exploring the thought further... what if it is true? What if you're really bisexual. Is it such a big deal? So, you have to go back and tell a few friends that maybe you fancy women more than you thought. Is that such a huge challenge? Not really. It's not the end of the world. The reality is that you're probably not bisexual, and the first time you're with a guy the sex probably isn't going to be very good because you're inexperienced. It isn't the sex that makes you gay, though, it's the romantic desires you have toward members of the same sex.
That sounds about right, Aldrick. I can appreciate an attractive woman, but that's as far as it goes for me - there's no romantic or physical attraction there for me. Whereas I see an attractive bloke, and want to get to know him better, I've caught myself staring a couple of times lately. Even flirting with girls doesn't seem fulfilling. So with that all said, there's not really any serious doubt in my mind that I'm gay. I know it's not all about sex - my fantasies tend to mainly be kissing and cuddling if I'm honest, I'm pretty self-conscious about my body so I know I'll have to really get to know someone before it goes any further than that. I think my main issue here is fear of the unknown - I just need to work on it I guess.
