Doubting... am I a Lesbian, or am I Bi.

I have only read the sample until now, and I have this uneasy feeling not sure where to put.

I'll try to explain. In my understanding of what I read until now, being sexually fluid means to be able to experience attractions to the sex which is not the sex you are attacted to by default sexual orientation. Probably oversimplified, of course. Okay, so in my case if I would say my sexual orientation is towards women, I did indeed experience attraction towards men. But, and I'm not sure if she talks about this in the book or not, despite the initial attraction towards men, none of my sexual experiences with men got me to the point where I could feel some deeper connection, not to say about actually enjoying the experience. The same about the romantic part. Initial infatuation yes, after that at most very deep emotional connection. I felt the closest to my boyfriend when doing activities together, talking about interesting subjects and yes, even hugging, but when it started to get sexual it somehow felt off.
So I'm wondering if the part of actual satisfaction and closeness is talked about in the book as well, because in the sample is mostly about sexual orientation=attraction or sexual identity=behaviour.

I know, I know I should just read it but I'm a bit afraid not to add more to my confusion in this moment

 

I haven't started it yet, but I understand how you are feelings. I read, "Sex at Dawn" which is a little bit about why monogamy might not work for so many people (like, why are so many people serial "monogamists"), and I got the same way. I think it probably means that the book is ringing true in some way, and you might need time to process it. I read that book really slowly, like a chapter every week or two so I had time to process as I was reading.

 

Just the emotions that go along with the while thing... (*hug*) it is not an easy journey!

 

THIS.

I wish I could give you advice but I'm in the same boat. Hubby but no kids. I wish I would have met her 15 years ago. I wish I met her even 10 years ago. Sometimes I just wish I'd never met her.

I feel so cliché in everything I do, like a desperate housewife who just wants attention. But if I'm just bored, then why am i crying over this almost every week? Why am I so desperate to touch my girlfriend, to hold her, make her feel wanted and then make mad, passionate love? I long to make her a sandwich and watch her eat it! It's insane.

Like you, once I had sex with a woman I REALLY knew I wasn't straight. Is that enough to justify separating from a husband I've been with half my life? For me, I don't know yet.

 

For those that have been questioning all this a bit longer, has it gotten easier, at all?

Ive been friends with my husband since we were.14, started "dating" at 16, married at 18, we now have four kids and together 13yrs. I see him as my absolute BEST friend, i've never met someone aa cool as he. Ive always identified (in my head) as bisexual, ive had experiences with women and it felt...different, good, but on a weird more mental and physical level. For me being with a man, or having them find me attractive has felt like a game to win? Im.not sure the attraction I have for men.is real or learned. Years ago the thought of being penetrated, specifically with a penis like disgusts me. I always feel like qhen this is over, I'll find a girl and be happy. But I cant say im unhappy, really in this relationship, some od ita fear, not wanting to have an unsuccessful marriage, letting him.down (which ive done a good job of over the last week or so telling him im bisexual and somewhere under the genderqueer umbrella) but I LOVE snugggling him, kissing him. Being near him. anything down south basically has turned into a job, I guess. I have to be intoxicated usually to have sex with him. And he knows it, he knows I dont like sex really. Hes respectful of that for the most part, but obviously still has needs.

Somw.days I severely regret saying anything, but other days I feel good that he knows, but the questioning, the trying to rewire your brain when youve been taught to believe one thing, and its different. Its so overwhelming. I have major depression and anxiety and this.is doing me in.

This has turned into rambling, how do you cope?!

At this time, im.not willing to end my marriage for a maybe, or trying to further those feelings its been ober a decade since ive been physical with a female. I dont know whats up or down anymore and I break down crying randomly (I am NOT crier, this is adding to the frustrations). It would be so much easier if someone else could tell me, could explain things and make it right.

 

I'm not sure how long into this you are, but a little over a year from my lightning bolt, and I am much more comfortable in my skin. I'm not breaking down and having panic attacks any more. I'm able to more calmly and rationally think though what I want and need. On the other hand, I also don't really know what I want and need. But I'm not as upset by the ambiguity. I think it takes some people longer or shorter though.

 

Its only been a couple Weeks. Some times it feels like the most stupidest thing I could have done cause I was dling "fine". And other tones o feel SOOO free about it. I've only told one other person, an internet friend. she's bi, and married to a dude so she was really sweet about it. This is just craziness sometimes.

 

Try to go easy on yourself. It's a lot to digest in a short time. You will get there. Reading, writing, and thinking about it can help bring clarity.