Don't know what to do anymore... I am confused, as I have always fancied boys, but I broke up with my boyfriend as it was only fair, as I am confused about my sexuality. But basically, I got really drunk at this party and snogged this boy, and I don't even know why. It could be for a number of reasons.. I either did it because I can't say no, because of low self-esteem and not wanting to reject them or to test my sexuality or because I like the attention, i don't know?! By this point I was so tired about worrying about my sexuality that I accepted that I was a lesbian and that I was going to come out, even though I don't think I am completely but it seemed to make me feel better. The thing is that even though I didn't know at the time he was actually seeing a girl, who is now not speaking to him, because of what he did... I can't help feeling like it is my fault and feel selfish that I have caused this just because I got drunk and wanted to test my sexuality or for whatever other reason... I just don't know what to do should I tell why I did it or does he need to know? No-body has no idea what I am going through, I had led a completely straight life and I feel guilty for deceiving them... I am planning on coming out soon as bi or lesbian or whoever I find out I am, but I don't feel I can move on without telling him? Even though, I would feel really uncomfortable doing so, as we are in the same school and I hardly know him... so is coming out enough? Thank you for any replies.
If it gives you peace, go for it. However if I were you (but I'm not) I would come out first with someone who was a friend. Someone who I trusted who probably wouldn't tell the rest of the school. It sounds like guilt may be leading to your drinking in excess so maybe that's something you'll want to consider. You have to forgive yourself... he cheated on his girlfriend so he's paying for those consequences. Maybe you could seek a school counselor to discuss all this as well as your sexuality.
i agree with 'myheartincheck', maybe you shouldn't tell him but if you must tell someone tell one of your close friends who perhaps doesn't have a boyfriend that you know you can trust, i know it may hurt not telling but some things are better left unsaid, it will be better long-term
Thank you for both of your very comforting replies! It is good to listen to more understanding people that might have been through similar themselves. I have told my family, ex boyfriend and a few friends (I don't have that many close friends anyway ) This is also linked with OCD and anxiety, which makes it a lot worse. But if I tell him I don't want to go past the stage where I hurt his feelings and that is something that I don't want to do, also the girl wasn't even his girlfriend, they were friends with benefits and she isn't talking to him now! That is why I don't understand why I feel so guilty :s
