1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

does anal get better??

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by partietraumatic, Jul 24, 2008.

  1. partietraumatic

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oxford and Birmingham, UK
    ok so im sure this has probably been answered before sos lol

    anyway so my bf and i tried anal (i received) and we loosened enough to get him in,but it just didnt feel good. Infact i found it a complete turn off lol. What im wondering is-is this something to do with the first time? Will it start to feel good after a few goes,or do some people just never enjoy it? Might it be that this will just be something i will never enjoy? Hope not lol!!!!

    any thoughts or advice are welcome xxx
     
  2. SamAlex728

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oregon
    Well, some people go their whole lives not liking to bottom, and in fact, finding it horrible, in some cases. But it could be because you were so tight and your ass wasn't used to being stretched yet, even with the lube. It MAY get better, but it may not, it depends on the person. I hope this helps.
     
  3. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's not something that everybody likes. However, I (personally) kinda think everyone could like it if they let themselves (and if it were being done right).

    The thing is... well... first off, lots of people who are doing the fucking are what I would call "selfish tops." That is, they view the other person's butt as a way to get themselves off and completely don't care if the other person is enjoying it or not. So unless the receptive partner happens to get off on being used as an object, people getting fucked in that situation are not going to find it really fun or enjoyable.

    Second, getting penetrated in our culture (okay, my Western European/Canada/US shared culture, but also in many others) is about the worst kinda... I don't know, I could get into all these sociological terms, but basically to be fucked is to be made into a woman in a lot of people's subconscious and sometimes conscious views, so I think a lot of guys aren't into getting fucked because essentially it's an assault on their masculinity. I personally happen to think this is bogus but just because I don't agree with it doesn't mean it's not a factor for a lot of people. So there is a lot of kinda bad mojo around the notion of a guy getting it up the ass--feelings of disempowerment, being conquered, being controlled, being vanquished, basically failing as a guy... yeah, so unless someone happens to have a kind of degradation fetish, then if they really buy into the whole notion that men are the fuckers and women are the fuckees, it can really be unpleasant for their self-concept of themselves as guys. Which again does not make for enjoying receptive anal sex.

    Thirdly, physically we are taught to respond to feelings in that area (the bum/anus/butt/whatever you wanna call it) as a need to defecate, and shitting is considered extremely unclean, and so anal sex is associated with filth and not with pleasure (although of course anyone can attest to the fact that sometimes taking a huge dump really feels good--think about it!). So there is a substantial ick factor that is engaged when people are getting fucked and because the person getting fucked is not getting his dick directly stimulated, there is less obvious pleasurable sensation to overcome any societally-induced feelings of grossness for shoving something up someone's ass (which on the surface most people think about and go, "eww gross!").

    Fourth, kinda because of all this, guys who are getting fucked for the first few times are not really thinking about how cool it is that some hot guy who you presumably are hot for and really like is actually inside them! They're more focused on the pain and discomfort, and of course that makes anal sex seem very unfun, and kinda leads into a vicious cycle.

    So the moral of the story is: get your partner to make sure they are focusing on your enjoyment as well as their own (i.e. they should be playing with you, touching you, and not just working to get themselves off). Understand that being a "real man" is not about what sexual activities you engage in. Explore that part of your body on your own and figure out what you like and what you don't, and what works and what doesn't. USE LOTS OF LUBE. Ensure lots of foreplay. Relax relax relax. Go as slow as you need to: it should be based on your timeframe, not his. Think about how cool it is that you're pleasuring your guy. Get him to find your prostate gland and make sure he is working to hit it.

    More than anything, enjoying anal sex requires having an open mind, I think. You have to nearly consciously work at letting yourself enjoy it because there's a lot of societal crap trying to get us to avoid it at all costs. And it is definitely something that will improve with practice (if you let it). Many if not most people describe their first times as relatively painful (I am one of the very lucky ones that way because my first time trying was totally awesome even though everyone had told me, "Oh the first time is always painful") but when they get the hang of it, they find they quite enjoy it. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Joey's hit all the important points. If you'd like to keep trying it, to see if you can get to a point where you really enjoy it, he's got plenty of suggestions to try. But if you decide it's more trouble than it's worth, then just don't bottom anymore. Get each other off in other ways. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. Antrioss

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2008
    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Very . . . uh, explicit, there! Anyway, I'm one of the people who doesn't define anal as a domination/submission practice outside of rape. I find it more of a practice for you and your partner to enjoy, rather than worry about who's the top or bottom. That's just my view. Being pleasured down there has no status on your masculinity. In my opinion, you shouldn't be worried about your masculinity, especially with your mate. As long as you and your partner enjoy it (and practice it carefully) it's more of a fun practice. Maybe its one of my fetishes, dunno.:lol:
     
  6. partietraumatic

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oxford and Birmingham, UK
    ok thanks everyone for the advice, i think it is something that i need to try a few more times-to see if i grow to like it. I shall try all the tips thanks lol. But if its that i don't ever grow to like it im sure it won't be a huge issue, we all know there are other things :wink: lol
     
  7. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    One other good point is that it can be quite different with different people. That is, anal sex can work between you and person A but not between you and person B, so it can be worth trying a few times with everyone you end up with.
     
  8. unouxx3me

    unouxx3me Guest

    From a girl's point of view who has had anal sex:

    The first time is the worst. After that..it does get less painful and more enjoyable (as long as you are the kind of person who can enjoy having anal sex). My advice, go SLOW, and use A LOT of lubrication. After foreplay make sure he puts the lube INSIDE of you, not just on him...it really does help, plus prepares you for his entering you. I hope that helped you some...if not, sorry...but try again and be safe!
     
  9. waitingsucks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
    I think a lot of people find the first time painful because they've never even done it by themselves. Maybe if you work at it alone first and go at your own pace then it can be more enjoyable the first time with a partner. That's all I have to offer.
     
  10. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Toronto
    Yes - it gets better. There are other threads out there on the topic. Look for them. Lex recently gave a step by step... it was pretty thorough and is worth reading.

    As for Joeyconnick:

    I totally agree!!! I think EVERY guy would like anal if he ALLOWED himself to like it. But straight guys are just too sissy to do it! :grin:
     
  11. KaraBulut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,542
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    US
    The times they are a changing. Anal and gay chicken seem to be all the rage with the straight guys these days.
     
  12. BoiCub

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Right Now Hickville, TN
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    This is a cross post....

    The important things that joeyconnick said are also true as well.

    I'm also trying to emphasize on the physical aspect for you.

    Play it relaxed, slow steady and safe!!:thumbsup: