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Do you have a similar story?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Hawk, Jan 29, 2018.

  1. Hawk

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    I randomly remembered this memory from when I was about 8-9 years old, and wondered if anyone else had similar stories.

    This happened every now and then when my brother and I would wait for the school bus to pick us up. I had no idea what transgender meant, but I had these thoughts of if I were to be a boy tomorrow, how would I end up telling people what happened to [given name]. I had all these stories in my head, one was that [given name] somehow died and my parents adopted a boy the same age at the same time. Which is kind of ridiculous now that I think about it.

    This is one memory that makes me think that I AM in fact trans, but I’m still not 100% on anything right now...
     
  2. LittleMouse

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    I don’t have any the same as that, however I do have random memories of really wishing I was a boy. More than just a fleeting “Oh it would be cool to be a boy so I could...”. I also used to occasionally wish I could wake up as a boy but used to say to myself it would ‘just be for the day’ because I felt it was a strange thought to have. I never really connected all these feelings together until somewhat recently.
     
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  3. Hawk

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    There was also a time when my brother and I were outside playing in the sprinkler (I was maybe 10 or so), and I decided that I was going to wear shorts instead of a swimsuit. That's it. I don't think my parents were home at the time, and if they were they weren't present, also I live out in the country so no one saw me, but I guess it was important enough for me to remember.

    Another time, my brother said that if I were a boy, he could impart wisdom down to me, like guy things. I remember kind of getting a sinking feeling in my stomach, and persuaded him to tell me, which he did.
     
  4. Kodo

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    Well, I was raised in a religious family and, so, I believed the Bible verse about how if you have faith even as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains...

    When I was about 10 or 11 I recall praying to God, pleading with him, to make me wake up as a boy and have all my family's memories of me ever being a girl erased. I truly believed it would happen, as much as a young kid believes Santa is real. After praying I hopped in bed excited and nervous for the next day. When I woke up I quickly checked what was in my pants. Crushing dissapointment. I couldn't fathom why the prayer hadn't worked and why God would have "doomed" me to living as a girl.

    If that was any indication...
     
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  5. newts

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    When I was young (age 6ish?) I used to think that I was actually biologically male, and the doctors had made a mistake when they told my mom I was a girl, and I was worried about how people would react if they found out. I kind of vaguely thought I might go through male puberty when I got older, or that I was actually a "hermaphrodite"

    Also, I used to look in the mirror a lot and think I looked like a drag queen, no good reason why because I had normal feminine features when I was younger. Just naturally felt more masculine and felt out of place presently femininely. When I was about 10/11 I tried to hint to my best friend to call me by a male name, but she wasn't taking it very seriously, so I dropped it.
     
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  6. AlexJames

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    Just one memory that sticks out from when i was about 6 or 7. I was playing in the basement playroom with my best and only friend over at her house. She had covered the main play area in all of her toys and i remember feeling so uncomfortable and out of place. It was something my little sister would have set up with doll houses, dolls, etc and i remember quite clearly thinking how much of a girl she was. Thinking of myself as clearly separate from her in thinking so. Followed immediately by something along the lines of well i must be a boy. But i never voiced it. Never acted on it. Back then i didn't need to - mom let me like whatever i wanted to. Animals, horses, space, dinosaurs. She forced me into dresses and girly clothes but she let me play with whatever i wanted once i was old enough to voice it, it seemed.

    And then of course there was my random, weird obsession with a particular pair of too large jeans. It was in elementary school after we moved, my brother was born already so i knew the difference between girls and boys at that point. And when a particular pair of pants bunched up and made it look like i had something down there, too (in my 8 year old mind at least) when i sat down and road the bus to school i loved it. And thought nothing weird of it either.
     
    #6 AlexJames, Jan 31, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2018
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  7. BradThePug

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    I had something like these as well. Sometimes I found myself wondering how different things would be if I was male. I didn't know what transgender was then either. I think my school did though. They called my parents and told them I was too masculine. I then forced myself to be more feminine just so I would stay out of trouble.
     
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  8. And it exploded

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    Here are two things that are super trans in hindsight:
    1. I always had this theory that I was more chemically (as in in my brain) male but something got fucked up and I ended up a girl
    2. It takes too long to explain but me and my friend have this story called the astral conspiracy. Part of it is that there's this guy named Jonathan and when he dies his soul, which is an alien soul, gets split in half and put into us two. So I have the soul of a male alien. Oof
     
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  9. Elisten

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    Often in high school I would think that I would be a good girl. At the time I assumed it was just something everyone did, because hormones and stuff.

    I started getting into cross stitch at like 14 or 15. I started taking it to church. My mom discouraged me from it because I might get made fun of for acting like a girl.

    I was always afraid of buying or wearing anything vaguely feminine in case people thought I was girly or gay or something. Looking back, I was just trying really hard to be the guy I thought I had to be. I didn't even want a pair of beautiful brown shoes because I was worried they would be too feminine for my 'man clothes'.
     
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  10. Hawk

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    I thought the same thing to an extent when I was in elementary school. I remember looking around the playground thinking 'I wonder if the other girls want to be boys' or hated being girls. Now I know that's not exactly what cis kids think.
     
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  11. 13Matthias

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    I also used to do this. It was a real punch to the gut every time it didn’t happen. I’ve left my faith in God behind me now due to reasons and all, but sometimes I get that desperate I consider it again
     
  12. XefrAce

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    One time when i was young i asked my mom if i had to grow up as a girl. I had forgotten all about that until recently.
     
  13. Hawk

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    I was watching some of Sam Collins videos, and he mentioned that he was a ‘catfish’ when he was younger (pretending to be a boy online), and I didn’t think of it until he said it, but I’m not proud of it, but I honestly did the same thing when I was 10-11.
    I remember playing some online multiplayer kids games and I’d always pretend to be a boy, or when a girl or anyone would ask if I was a boy or a girl, I’d always say I was a boy.