Do you ever tell people to build up their confidence?

I've had times in my life where I have struggled with my confidence, and if somebody were to tell me "you need to build up your confidence" I would find it quite hurtful. A bit like telling somebody to lose weight when they are struggling with their weight. How do you know the person is not slimmer now than they were some time ago before you ever met them?

I think it's a bit like that with confidence issues. I've had people telling me to build up my confidence when I've already made huge changes to my life and how I think and feel about things, and I've overcome a lot of negative opinions I used to have about myself. So, if you don't like how unconfident I seem now, then you really wouldn't have liked me a couple of years ago.

I know it's often well-intended if somebody says you need more confidence, because they are trying to help you achieve things that you are lacking. But it's the fact they are drawing attention to what you are lacking that hurts your confidence further. It's judgemental. And people don't like being judged.

Although it might be helpful to hear it in certain situations from certain people.

Have you ever been told things that affect your confidence?

 

I don't like hearing people talk negatively about themselves, but I'm not good with pep talks so I won't try to correct them or give them advice, I will just let them speak their mind and get it off their chest. Usually that's what I'm doing if I talk about myself in a negative light, I'm just opening up about myself and not because I want someone to make me feel better, I just want someone to listen. Talking about it does make me feel better, but hearing someone fob me off with words of encouragement does not. That's why I normally find it presumptuous if someone tells me to build up my confidence.

 

Making fun of yourself is positive. It shows humility, I think. It doesn't mean you think badly of yourself, it means you don't think too highly of yourself and don't take yourself too seriously. If you're seeing the humor in things that might otherwise get you down in your day to day life, then that's hardly being "negative".