(I originally posted this in anonymous. Sorry if this is the wrong category) Why am I asking? Well... I'm beginning to hate my body. Up until recently I never had a problem with it, but realizing I'm nonbinary changed that. I hate my breasts and I hate my ass. My face is fat and my hair is too feminine. Even my voice bothers me, it's too high and too hard to speak in a lower tone. I hate being walked in on by my family when I'm undressed and my body's exposed, even though it never bothered me until recent. When I look in the mirror, I see a body I've learned to hate and not the body I used to love. I used to cut, but my best friend helped me stop... even so, I've resorted to scratching my arms every so often. I don't draw blood but it hurts for a while, which helps. I know it's a bad habit but I can't stop. I haven't told my best friend. On top of that, I'm in love with her. I'm constantly sad and don't feel like doing anything active. I have this neverending urge to cry. I did start crying once for no reason and then I stopped. I'm now easily pissed off. I don't enjoy eating as much as I used to and my appetite is gone, but I do enjoy being alone more. My arms and legs often tingle like I'm on a caffeine high. And the scratching. I don't think I fit the symptoms of depression or anxiety, because I don't have suicidal thoughts or panic/anxiety attacks or fear, just... varying degrees of sadness. And frustration because I can't cry all the time even though I have that tears-in-the-back-of-my-eyes feeling constantly. So if you have any idea as to what I have (or what I don't, for all I know it could be nothing) and how to help myself, it would be much appreciated.
No one on here is qualified to diagnose you with a mental illness, and nor are you qualified to diagonse yourself. It's one thing to think "I fit these criteria, I might have X and should try to see a doctor to confirm it and help me", but it's not a good idea to actually attempt to diagnose yourself completely on your own or ask other unqualified people to do it for you. None of us know you or can talk to you directly, or are well-versed enough in exactly what constitutes a particular mental illness and what doesn't. For one, not every person with depression experiences suicidal thoughts - it's a common symptom, but not a requirement. On top of that, not every person who is experiencing suicidal thoughts and/or a flat mood has depression - there are several other mental illnesses that can cause these things, depression is only the most common and most well known. You should see a therapist or a doctor of some description. They're the only ones who can diagnose you with something and get you help to deal with it. A therapist in general can help you if this isn't an illness and is instead emotional issues. I'd recommend pushing for counselling if you can, rather than simply taking medication - medication can ease symptoms of many mental illnesses and give you the boost you need to keep going and to help yourself, but it's the counselling that tends to lead to someone fully recovering and no longer needing the medication.
Even if you don't neccessarily have depression, dysphoria can cause depression over time or depending on the severity of it. I have chronic depression that's genetic, and seasonal depression, though I've never once in my life been suicidal, I just have relatively low mood almost all of the time, and much like you, go through periods of not liking food or wanting to hurt myself. I'm not saying I know you enough to know if there's something serious going on, but just because you aren't a cookie-cutter diagnoses doesn't mean those things aren't underlying. I think the next most important thing to do though by yourself would be to try and reflect and find when these feelings started coming up and what triggered them, or, if there's a reason that they have been in slow onset up until now. For me, after I came out to myself as non-binary though also my dysphoria did increase...its because I realized I was indeed repressing negative emotions and now had to let them all out in order for them to go away.
From what you've posted I would assume that you do, but as SystemGlitch said you'd need expert analysis in order to definitively diagnose something
I think you should see a therapist but what I'd point out, as another non-binary person is that personally my feelings about my body have always been there over the years. They have at times fluctuated a little in regards to my chest, and there are days too where it's worse/easier... But my problems with my breasts date back to when they started growing in, and my problems with my genitalia have always been there as far back as I can remember. Not wanting to look at them for years, just generally not even acknowledging the existence of various body parts until well into late childhood (and by that I mean I seemed kind of unaware until I was told,) :S If you think that it's just come about now then yeah that doesn't sound great. It could be that it's just gotten worse because you came to the realisation? I have heard people express that. I think my social dysphoria got worse after I came out to myself as non-binary and I felt generally bad about my identity and confusion as well. But my relationship with my body is about the same really for the most part.
Strange, for me the bad feeling about mt body evaporated once I realised why. Nevertheless, the shaking, are you sure it is depression? Are your blood tests alright? ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2016 at 03:46 AM ---------- A lot of other conditions have depression as a symptom ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2016 at 03:47 AM ---------- Therefore. Doctor.
