I’m getting depressed by the fact that I’m a 24 year old virgin who hasn’t been in a relationship... let alone never even kissed a guy. And I guess it’s no surprise because I officially came out to myself at 21 and I wasn’t actively searching for a partner. (I finally went to a gay bar for the first time at 24 and I flirted, but it didn’t lead to anything else, but at least it’s progress!) Ive been reflecting on my past and I’m coming to the realization that I missed out on my younger years by staying in the closet for so long. The clock is ticking and I feel like I need to go out and find myself a partner. Thing is... I can’t help but think other gay men will look down on me by still being a virgin and have no experience doing anything intimate (kissing, sex, etc). I know you shouldn’t rush things but I’m feeling lonely and empty inside. What are your thoughts on this? Also, I need some reassurance... are there any other virgins on this site???
I'm gonna level with you here mate. I've been the same, for years. Saw all my mates get into relationships, hear stories of them having sex etc. and I felt that same deep loneliness even though I was surrounded by great friends. Then I managed to get into a two-month long relationship through a dating app and it completely changed my life for those months. It took me countless weeks of swiping to get there, but it happened and it really got rid of that feeling. Have you tried online dating? You can't find someone if you're not actively searching and putting yourself out there. Also, 24 is still young af, especially with the fact that you've only "been gay" for three years. So technically you haven't waited longer than anyone else. And I'm not sure what kind of monster gay people you've been talking to but I know for a fact everyone on here will think that title is ridiculous. No one gives a fuck if you've had sex or not - only men who would try to use it against you to make themselves look more "alpha". I think I speak for everyone when I say being single sucks, I'm single now even. It's shitty, but you have to pull through it because time will only bring better. You'll find the one before you know it! Keep your chin up
LGBT people are like straight people. Some care about you being a virgin (some like it, some don't). Some people don't care. In the end, just don't worry about it. First, because you are still really young. Secondly because, if you find someone that looks down upon you just because you haven't had sex before, you should ask yourself: Is it really worth to pursue something (casually or not) with a person that judges you based on that tiny detail? In my opinion, it isn't, and you should look for someone who respects you, without judging you because of a detail like that. On a side note, i think the concept of "virginity" is "overrated", in a way. Sure, i totally understand someone who wants to have a special first time, and i do agree that it is probably a good idea to tell your partner that you aren't experienced (so you both may start slowly with things), but i don't understand this separation between "non-virgins" and "virgins".
That would include me, and I'm over 45. I sometimes crack that my tombstone will read: BMC77 Went To His Grave a Virgin That said...I'm not really in the mood to lose virginity by having an anonymous hookup. I won't say I'd insist on waiting for my wedding night, or even waiting for a likely husband. But I cringe at the thought of having sex in the context of a one night hookup.
In my experience I don't think most gay people think that much about virginity per se. I don't think sexual inexperience would give me much pause, I will say that relationship inexperience probably would. It wouldn't be any sort of deal breaker but it would make me wonder what the story was behind it. If you're 20 and have never dated, well you're 20. If you're much older than that and never had a relationship, well , there's a story, doesn't mean it's a bad story, but there's a story...
A valid point. As I mentioned on another thread earlier, mental health professionals have apparently been surprised by the fact that I've never even had a casual date. Part of my history is understandable, I think, if you know my history, but the "never dated" with no explanation probably does seem odd. And perhaps an indicator for a mental health professional that "something may be wrong with him."
When you're young, as you are, everything seems monumental and losing one's virginity is one of those monumental-seeming things. But once you take the plunge you realize that it's not that big of a deal ... that there's this mystique about having experience that is really overblown ... being open, turned-on, and into enjoying the moment are what really count regardless of your level of experience. That doesn't mean you have to anything you don't want to ... just be willing to take the risk of letting your guard down a bit. If you're in NYC there should be plenty of opportunities to at least kiss and make-out with a guy. Hell, I have a kid who is older than you and yet (apologizing in advance for a bit of bragging here) I had a hot make-out session with a good-looking man I met at a gay bar in SF last night. Get out and mingle and be open to what happens in the moment!
Why do you need to discuss your virginity with anyone? I never did. When I had sex for the first time, I just followed my instincts and got on with it. I wasn't asked beforehand if I was a virgin and I didn't let on afterwards that it was my first time. I think we can really overhype this issue in our minds and see it as a mark of shame if we haven't had sex by a given age. It really isn't a big deal and I can say with all honesty that I have never heard anyone enquire about another persons virginity - not once! Even if someone was to ask it's your choice if you tell them.
I was the same way. I was a virgin to women til my early 20s. I had been with a guy years before so I wasn’t really a virgin, but I didn’t count that at the time. I don’t really think anyone else cared but I was putting pressure on myself.
First off, we can just say virginity is not having had sex and the specific sex act does not matter. I don't care who has had sex or not. For me, it just happened and the dam broke. My sex drive is now less than what it was in my teens, twenties, and thirties. I think about sex less often and not as intensely. What bothers me, personally and to this day, is being someone's first if that person is inexperienced and has a lot of angst about it. It just bothers me. I would not want to be the person who is part of that sort of drama and maybe even trauma.
