1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Dissatisfied

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SevnButton, Nov 27, 2018.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 3 of 4
  1. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    The counseling session yesterday was great! And at the same time it was no big deal. With all the posts I've read and written here on EC, it seemed really natural to talk about being gay / bisexual. That's the power of Empty Closets.
     
    #41 SevnButton, Dec 4, 2018
    Drizzle, baristajedi and Silveroot like this.
  2. Nickw

    Nickw
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Emotional intimacy is something I think most of us need and desire. I think, too often, we feel it has to sexual too. Some people just can't feel that sort of intimacy as well.

    It sounds like your wife and you have drifted apart for a long time. So, it will take a lot of work to get on track again.

    Did you ever feel you had this intimacy with her? Do you know what you're looking for?
     
    #42 Nickw, Dec 4, 2018
  3. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    For me, sexually intimacy follows emotional intimacy -- that's making love. Sexual intimacy without emotional intimacy is just having sex. I've done both, and I prefer making love.

    Frankly, I don't feel that connection with my wife.
     
    #43 SevnButton, Dec 4, 2018
  4. Rade

    Rade
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I came out bisexual, then my wife told me about sexual abuse in her childhood, It was initially very difficult. But it brought us emotionally then sexually very close. But because this Facebook guy who she knew from childhood made contact, it all blew up, the end......
    But Seven anything is possible......hang on in there....
     
    #44 Rade, Dec 4, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
    SevnButton likes this.
  5. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Ugg. My wife is talking divorce now. It's not clear to me whether she's serious, or just struggling to have some control. I think it's really threatening to her for me to go into individual counseling, especially with an LGBT counselor.
     
    #45 SevnButton, Dec 5, 2018
  6. Lone Wolfe

    Lone Wolfe
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2018
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    As scary as that is, you'll find lots of other guys who have gotten divorces. I found myself surrounded by "friends" who were there to support (not knowing I was gay, since that is not how my ex and I broke up). In hindsight, getting a divorce is a nuisance, but you will feel a weight off your shoulder later. During your divorce (if that's where this ends up), don't rush into another relationship right away. Take things one step at a time.
     
    #46 Lone Wolfe, Dec 5, 2018
    SevnButton and Rade like this.
  7. Nickw

    Nickw
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wow Sven! Do you think she is just using your sexuality as the scapegoat? This is not all that uncommon. It sounds like you have not connected for a long time.

    How do you feel about this? If threatening divorce is a control method that speaks volumes.
     
    #47 Nickw, Dec 5, 2018
    SevnButton likes this.
  8. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I feel rattled, and my self-confidence is low. Cause and effect of my sexuality and marital problems is really difficult to sort out. I don't think she uses my sexuality as a scapegoat, but she will whatever weapon she has to try to be in control.
     
    #48 SevnButton, Dec 5, 2018
  9. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2,020
    Likes Received:
    551
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What you gonna do ?
     
    #49 Jakebusman, Dec 5, 2018
  10. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Stay the course for now. My next individual counseling session is the week after next, and I hope to start getting better insight. Meanwhile I intend to be sensitive to my wife's needs, But I'm not very willing to quietly accept unkind words and accusations.
     
    #50 SevnButton, Dec 5, 2018
  11. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Good advice, thanks.

    If it weren't for the kids, I'd be ready to walk away. I had the same thought over 20 years ago when my wife was pregnant with our first child, and I discovered that my wife had secretly run up $12,000 on credit cards.
     
    #51 SevnButton, Dec 5, 2018
  12. Rade

    Rade
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2018
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    630
    Location:
    Bedford UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Kids make it difficult to leave BUT I'm building better relationship's with mine since I left.....weird but true....
     
    #52 Rade, Dec 5, 2018
  13. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2,020
    Likes Received:
    551
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What does she think of your Bisexuality ?
     
    #53 Jakebusman, Dec 6, 2018
  14. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think she feels threatened by it. She fears that I'll discover that I'm full-on gay and leave her. So it makes sense that she threatens to leave me so that the decision can be hers. She's doing little things here and there, I think unintentionally, that look like she's preparing to be on her own.
     
    #54 SevnButton, Dec 6, 2018
  15. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2,020
    Likes Received:
    551
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    How you feel about all this ? and are you really full gay ?
     
    #55 Jakebusman, Dec 6, 2018
  16. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't think so. But I feel like lately I don't know ANYTHING for sure. In our marriage counseling I confidently described myself as toward the straight end of the spectrum, and our counselor looked at me for a moment then said, "you need to figure out who you are". So that's what I'm trying to do.
     
    #56 SevnButton, Dec 6, 2018
  17. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    2,020
    Likes Received:
    551
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    How you gonna do that ?
     
    #57 Jakebusman, Dec 6, 2018
  18. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Individual counseling with an LGBT counselor. Although I woke up in the wee hours of this morning, thinking I'm making a big mistake.
     
    #58 SevnButton, Dec 6, 2018
  19. Jamie92203

    Jamie92203
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2018
    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    66
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I told that to my thearipst and she didn't care.
     
    #59 Jamie92203, Dec 6, 2018
  20. SevnButton

    SevnButton
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2018
    Messages:
    1,184
    Likes Received:
    970
    Location:
    Southern California Coast
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It's hard to tell the difference between good intuition and unfounded fear. Rationally, there are no red flags (like the LGBT counselor saying something suspicious) and it's hard to go wrong with increasing self-awareness.
     
    #60 SevnButton, Dec 6, 2018
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 3 of 4