Disappointed by my Church Family

It's Presbyterian. I think it's a Canadian denomination with it's roots in Scottland.

I am already thinking about what kind or organization I could get involved in next. I'd like it to be LGBT related in some way. But there's no hurry either. A break would be good too.

 

Yesterday was a really emotionally exhausting day...

I came out to the woman who has been chairing the finance and maintenance committee. I let her know what had happened, and she said she was sorry that the leadership team had come to that decision, and she understood my decision to hand over the church books immediately.

After work I dropped off the books at the church office. Nobody was there. I then carried on to the home of an elderly couple who I quite like, and who I would see quite often because he was one of the people authorized to be the second signature on our cheques. Only last night I told him and his wife that I wouldn't be coming around to do that any more - that I'd been asked to step down. They were shocked, and when I told him that I'd told the minister that I was gay he immediately said "So what?" That made me feel so good. When I carried on to say that the leadership team had decided it wouldn't be appropriate for me to stay on, he just stood there shaking his head. He didn't agree at all with them - and felt that they had made a mistake. They asked if I would still be attending, and I told them no - that I didn't feel welcome any more. And they asked if that would be the case for my wife and the girls, and I told them yes. She had stood by me through all of this, and continues to. We won't raise our kids in a church that doesn't respect thier father. They thanked me for stopping in to tell them in person and praised me for the courage that I'm demonstrating, and assured me that their door was open to me any time.THAT is what I expected from members of my church. She gave me a hug and he shook my hand again, and I left.

I had hoped to visit another woman from the church - our kids actually refer to her as 'grandma Lynn' - but she appeared to have company last night - so I didn't stop. I'll have to see her another time.

But I did carry on to speak to the 'Clerk of Session' or the head elder. He was also a neighbour when we lived in the area and someone I considered a friend. He was surprised to see me at his door, and immediately looked rather ashamed. He asked me in and I told him that I had stopped by to let him know that the church books were now in the church office, and to tell him in person how disappointed and hurt I was as a result of the decision they had arrived at. He was obviously (and I think sincerely) upset and said that he regrets the decision the arrived at and the way they've handled this entire situation. He also said that he appreciated me coming over, and that I was demonstrating more courage than he obviously had. He also said that he hoped I would stay in touch. And he offered his hand but then gave me a very heart-felt hug as well. He was quite moved.

He actually called me a couple of hours later to apologize again. He couldn't let the evening come to an end with out talking to me again and apologizing again for this entire sitiuation, and he hoped that at some point I would come by and come in for a proper talk and allow him to apologize again.

Talk about drama. I've just about had enough. But I feel good - and the cause is a very worthy one. I'm proud of myself, and of my wife.

So there's another update. More to come though.

 

I called another friend from the church today while I was at work. He had already heard what happened because his wife is an 'elder' but she hadn't been present at the meeting where they voted to have me step down. He and his wife were very upset to hear the news - and also felt that it was the wrong decision for the church to have made.

He also let me know that they had come to the conclusion that I was gay months ago! (Not the first people to have guessed correctly.) And they actually have had two other friends go through exactly the same situation - been married with kids and then come out as gay. Now I make 3!

This is just weighing so heavily on me these days that it is bothering me at work. So today I was having a one on one meeting with one of my best employees - and I came out to her as well. She was surprised, and quite moved to hear my whole story. And while she's devoutly Christian, and the bible gives one message, she also has many gay friends and knows that God wants us to love everyone. She was also disappointed that my church would treat me that way, and encouraged me to find another congretation that would be more welcoming.

There's no stopping me now! I'm on a roll.

 

Cool - thank you for the links.

I'm in Canada, but there was also a blurb at that site that talked specifically about Canada.

 

Ok... I have another update. Here's what happened today.

My wife wanted to get some closure around this situation at the church. She had decided that she wouldn't be attending any more, but wanted people to know why, as well as to say good bye. She spoke to the retired minister from the church she attended growing up, and the advice was to make a brief statement before the church service, and then immediately leave.

So this morning, my boyfriend minded the girls and my wife, her boyfriend, her mother, and myself all went to church. We went straight to the front and sat in the first pew. The minister was at the front setting up his guitar and came to shake our hands when we sat down. I informed him that we were here only so that my wife could say her goodbyes before the service. He looked a little horrified, and suggested that it might be a bit disruptive, and suggested that she say her goodbyes afterwards. But we informed him that we weren't staying. He said he wasn't sure that was good idea, and went to speak to the 'clerk of session'. But before he came back to say one way or the other, I asked the organist to wrap up so that my wife could make a 'brief' announcement. Here is what she said - more or less:

And with that, the rest of us got up, and we all went to leave.

Several members of the congregation got to their feet to shake our hands and give us hugs. It was very, very moving. One member came outside with us. She was too upset to stay, and thought she could sit alone for a while and contemplate what just happened. It was overall a good experience. We felt it had to be done.

What was especially gratifying was that there was an announcement in the church bulletin this morning, stating that I had "tendered my resignation" from the position of treasurer. That of course, wasn't the case. And I would have been VERY angry had I found out that this statement had been made about me without the larger context being shared with people.

My ex wife is an incredibly awesome person. I'm so thankful for her and all the help and support she has offered to me.