Difference between romantic desires/feeling and those of an emotionally intimate friendship?

I have never been able to turn off the same sex desires and fantasies, but at the same time I am rarely able to see other guys in that way in person.

I agree, this feels very much conditioned. I don’t always feel this way but often do. I was feeling particularly frustrated when writing that last post.

I am just not comfortable with any kind of closeness with other guys even just as friends. The bigger issue is, I just seem so care free about not having friends these days. I am usually easy going and get along well with most of my co-workers but when they want to hang out outside of work, I get nervous and want to avoid the situation, it’s like the idea of just friends is too much for me and I think to myself that its time to bail out. I use to say that “I don’t have friends just acquaintances”. I tend to blame them and have a long list of reasons why but also take some of the blame for myself like being an introvert. I don’t remember feeling this way as much in high school.

This use to bother me a lot when I was single.

I am realizing that I don’t understand myself as well as I thought I did and I think this may be negatively affecting my ability to understand the situation I am in and other people as well.