did

hun, dont worry about asking too many questions! we are to help you! so feel free to ask anything you want! we will do our best to help you!

 

well im not sure how to transition because im not doing it yet either

im seeing a gender therapyst and next week im going to tell my mother about it, and then ill see what my therapyst says i should do

but about your confusion, this part of you that is telling you that you are a girl, you think its because perharps you are afraid if people are goint to accept you? well, the right thing to do would be what YOU want to be, not what someone else wants you to be, some people might not like it and hate you or whatever, but if they do that, these people just arent your friends really and you shouldnt care about what they have to say to you

 

I think what it all comes down to is this- if it's worth living the rest of your life as a woman that doesn't match who you are or becoming the person, the man, you want to be. Now I don't speak from a position where I've gotten crap for my gender identity for I was homeschooled and realized I was trans* only recently, so in how to deal with that I have no concrete idea. But if you're ready to transition, push on mon aimon.

Transition is a very individual process. Some people might go on hormones, get top and or bottom surgery. Others might do top and nothing else. Still more never medically transition and are content with binding/altering dress. But I would advise getting a gender therapist. They'll be able to give you an outlet for your feelings and open doors should you want to go on hormones and change your name, etc.

 

Honestly that was one of my biggest struggles, and still is, when it comes to my identity- if it's all a phase. But the thing is, these are common feelings that pretty much every trans* person has- if these feelings are legitimate, if they're just a phase. When it comes to accepting anything as far as gender or even orientation goes, doubt is normal. It's a frightening thing accepting that you're not part of the cisgendered/heteronormative mold that society lays out, and perfectly normal to have doubts or second guesses.

The trans* experience varies from person to person. I, myself, had been resigned to living as a woman and had really never bothered questioning myself until recently. I was depressed, chaffing against my role as a woman and inability to feel secure as a woman. I learned about what it meant to be a trans* man and after questioning and looking over my past, came to the conclusion that I'm trans*.

What you see given out as the typical trans* experience is vastly different from the reality. Being transsexual is far more than the "trapped in the wrong body, certain from 18 months" view that the media and society perpetuates. There's people who knew from an early age and then people who didn't know until they were middle aged. And then there's varying degrees of dysphoria and expression. Gender is a spectrum, much like sexuality, and what label you figure out is a highly personal process.

 

Let me put this into another perspective.

If society were completely tolerant, and if you were actually praised instead of disowned or insulted for being trans*, would you feel comfortable transitioning, or would you still have doubt?

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that.. your life is not about other people determining what you should do and how to live, and be happy. If you're doubting transitioning because of society, that's perfectly okay. Everyone does. Every single trans* person has felt doubt because of fear, fear of rejection, fear of becoming a second-class citizen, fear of losing privileges and rights that cis people hold. I will bet my life that you will never run into somebody whom identifies as trans*, and says that they haven't felt doubt. If they do, they're bullshitting you.

For me, I came out as a transman to my entire family and school and I'm going down the medical transition road and I'm still preoccupied with doubts. I sometimes wonder if it's worth it. If it's worth being trans* in a cishet world. If I said I'm not scared, I would be lying to you and everyone else. But why do I keep going? Because I'm male. I'm a guy who unfortunately went under a genetic failure. I can't conform to what society says and live as female just to please everyone else. I have to live for myself, not for others.

It's a really, really long and tedious process and it's anxiety-inducing... and it's upsetting. But take a couple steps back and think about what you really want. You're not alone at all, dude. Not even close to being alone.

As for moving forward.. it'll take some time. I wish it happened with a snap of our fingers, in a short time frame, alas it does not. You'll have to be the most patient person you can possibly be. It'll probably take years before anything can start, especially if your parents aren't very accepting and it's harsh. But one day, it'll happen. And you have to hold onto that goal, and know that at one point, if this is what you need to do, you can accomplish it. It's tough, it becomes unbearable at times, but there's always a resource and these things do happen.

 

Unfortunately, until you come out to your parents or let people know of your preferred pronouns, you'll have to live with being referred to by female pronouns. Even people close to me still slip up.. and it's been a few months. It's hard for people to make a switch like that. I even misgender myself on accident and refer to myself as "she" without even realizing. After 17 years, it's even tough for me to break into habit; I'm just so used to being referred as female it's embedded into my brain even though I know I'm male.

For right now.. you have to remind yourself and nobody knows just yet and that they aren't intentionally calling you those pronouns out of disrespect. Whenever someone says, "she/her", just remember that they aren't aware yet and it's why you aren't hearing "he/him". It sucks, but there's not a lot of options when you're still closeted.

 

Won't lie, having to hear nothing but "she", "her" is at best, grating, and at worst stomach churning. I find, honestly, that the best thing for me to deal with that is to have a place like EC or my LGBT support group where I can request male pronouns, be called Byron or Ron, and otherwise be recognized as a man.

Now you'll have to come out at some point for a wide adoption of the correct pronouns so the best I can suggest is to, again, at least have an outlet where you can be recognized as male. If at all possible, would you be able to make it to an LGBT support group or GSA? Somewhere where you can be 'out' without everyone and their mother knowing?

 

This!! Yes!!
Words of Wisdom (!)

 

Don't feel bad for being scared/reluctant. Especially in a conservative town, being trans* is hardly a piece of cake, walk on the boardwalk, what have you not. I mean, I come from the west, I'm an hour from Portland and frankly, being out as a transman is a daunting if not anxious inducing concept at this point.

So at this point, maybe you're not ready. And that's fine. Transitioning is a stressful process, it's daunting, and you'll be ready one day, but it's not something you have to do tomorrow or even a week from now. But when that day comes, it'll be worth it.

And with you on the wishes. Yeah... If only...

 

She doesn't know what you're going through and as a cisgendered woman- even if she does accept you- she'll never fully understand how you feel or who you are.

Now, I wasn't there, quite obviously, and even just reading your side of the story's sickening. It just astounds me to no end that people can be so narrow minded, especially when they're family.

I think, right now, the best you can do is to hold your head high. You know who you are. She doesn't. Now, to give her just a little credit, she was the woman who birthed you, who saw the ultrasound and determined her perception of you before she even had a diaper to change or clothes and a crib to buy. She, and most of America, are raised in a society where parts determine gender and "men are men", "women are women" because of certain societal demands based on what's in one's pants. You can transcend that.

If all goes well, she'll turn around, finally understand, and embrace the fact that she has a son. And that, at this point, is the best any of us can hope for.

Stay strong.