Did you have that, "oh. I'm a lesbian" moment?

Corny as it sounds, it was my really cute chem partner. Also, my general inability to imagine having sex with a guy. Over time I realized that I just found women WAYYYY more attractive than men, and as I thought about it, I could remember a ton of moments from age 10 up when I'd found myself first inexplicably drawn to a woman then attracted to them.

 

There was this girl at my school who was doing this show, and I went to see it, and there was this one point during one of her lines I realized, oh shit, I'm incredibly attracted to her. I later realized I'd had crushes on girls since at least fifth grade, but I thought they were just really strong friend-crushes.... haha.... I thought it was normal. I was actually really confused and kind of upset at one point in seventh grade when I had this huuuge crush on a girl in a musical with me but I didn't know what it was and I was kind of obsessed with her. I thought we were, like, really intense soul sisters or something.

 

I can't really pinpoint the exact moment, but I think I do remember a final realization.

I just remember thinking that my thoughts about a woman I know had become far too intense and sexual to be a simple "girl crush" anymore, that all this thinking on my orientation was giving me a headache, and that there was nothing to be ashamed of it were true.

My train of thought was very similar to the one I had when I finally took the plunge and admitted I was a complete atheist. It was freeing, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and like the gears in my mind that had been endlessly turning could take a rest.

 

I feel like I've had a few of those! LOL When I was a kid I used to develop crushes on my friends and I thought it was normal to feel that way about your friends it just ment you were best friends. Then I got older dated guys and kissed them and was like "Why does everyone say kissing is awesome its gross..." Then one day I met this girl and I fell for her and everything hit me I was like "Woah, I'm gay...it all makes sense now...sh**."

 

ahahaha~

That'll do it

 

Kept dreaming about having sex with women

 

I was working on a project with a classmate who I became unusually enamored with. The sun was literally shining out of her ass for me (also I thought she had the most amazing ass - gay). I wanted to be around her all the time, but not look like her (which is how I usually felt towards hot girls, or perhaps told myself is how I felt)... then when we were working on the project and I was watching her being bossy and doing her thing, I got butterflies like I'd never gotten before; couldn't stop thinking about how hot she was, and then after months of interactions, realized I wanted her to sit on my face.

-- you gay --

 

i didn't have an "oh shit" moment as you say...it was a pretty slow realization...surprisingly slow...

1) first kiss was with a girl...kept trying to convince my girl friends in elementary school to "practice" kissing on eachother...didn't think anything of it.
2) had what i thought at the time was just strong friendships with girls, now i realize they were clearly huge crushes
3) only every watch(ed) girl-girl porn
4) would imagine my guy partners being girls in order to get off during sex
5) similarly to TheStormInside...watched Magic Mike and was like "seriously?? you girls LIKE this?? ughhh...."
6) LOVED any lesbian characters in movies or tv shows
7) got really annoyed when people would try to convince me to see a new movie because XXX (hot guy actor) was in it...like no. that is zero reason for me. I would always back it up with "well no for that but XXX (hot female actress) was in it" to which i started to notice peoples reactions was like "hmm...well...alright...if that works for you...?"
8) started a new job and realized after about 2 weeks that i recognized every single woman on the floor, but literally couldn't pick out one male coworker in a line up...just never looked up when they walked past
9) finally decided...hm...maybe i should try dating girls...haha

 

I've had many of these moments, though the vast majority of them I didn't exactly realize at the time.

Maybe they weren't the anvil-crushing "oh SHIT" split second realizations but they were pretty telling.
~Dicks were fine to me if they were like, in gay porn, or something similar- but as soon as they had to be applied to me and me having sex, in a very real life kind of way, I realized that I very much did not want that. At all.
~I've mentioned this before on this site but the way my sexual fantasies for women were legitimate attractions and not the wild ass or plain boring ones I had involving men in which there lacked any sexual attraction or desire to carry out in real life. Also even in the ones where penis played a part, I was either not the one having to interact, or even if I was, I never really did think about it directly. Glad I don't have to resort to those fantasies anymore, because now that I've shed all the shame and denial, I actually let myself fantasize about women and that's what I want.
~My super big crush on this girl which extended far and beyond anything I ever thought I'd experience. Super romantic/a lot of physical attraction/ and the ever dreadful, oh no, but she's straight...
~All those times I felt so uncomfortable when people in school were talking about me and this guy and that guy. I rejected a few. Even the guys I thought I had crushes on, I backed out real quick once things began to get serious because I couldn't do it. There was just that awkwardness and uncomfortableness there.
~Maybe just the excitement/desire about having a girlfriend and having sex with a woman that I didn't have for guys. I mean sure I kind of just assumed I'd date a guy and sleep with him and for a long time I just kind of floated on that assumption, but wow there was a lack of enthusiasm and want from the younger me.
~Celebrity crushes on women that made me realize, "oh, so this is how it feels like to be physically attracted to a celebrity, holy shit, wow", and also made me realize that my male celebrity crushes (which I still have!) were good looking and cool guys and my role models, but there isn't any attraction there.
~Like a dozen TV shows and movies
Andddd a lot more, but I'm going to spare everyone the novel :icon_wink

I really should've realized that I'm very gay, a lot sooner. :lol: