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Did you always please your (straight) partner in bed?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by NotTooLoud, Jul 10, 2019.

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  1. Nickw

    Nickw
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    Sometimes the partner is not the one to help someone through something. There is no shame in getting some counseling. I'm sorry he cannot understand that your needs are important and satisfying those needs will make it better for him too. In addition to counseling, there are sex therapists that might really help you two.
     
    #81 Nickw, Jul 29, 2019
  2. NotTooLoud

    NotTooLoud
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    I thought so! The straight guy's minds, clouded with desire, were into satifying their own needs, or perhaps attempting to satisfy both themselves and their partner. But gay guy's minds, not feeling true desire, could focus solely on the partner (unless they are utterly repulsed by them, as some have mentioned). It sounds like the ones who were repulsed had much more trouble being less than authentic than we did, perhaps due to our own conditioning when we were growing up (gay).
     
    #82 NotTooLoud, Jul 29, 2019
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  3. NotTooLoud

    NotTooLoud
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    Dear sooo cute,
    It's too bad you're going through this; I'm sorry. I agree that counseling is a good idea. Are you still attracted to him? Maybe you could initiate something, maybe some oral for him? Guys really want to know their partner thinks they are hot, too. It has been the other way around in our society for far too long. If, one time, my wife had gently slapped my butt and said "cute ass", man, I probably would have had trouble waiting until we got home. Even though I'm gay, I still get turned on when another person (man or woman) let's me know my form pleases them and most guys love receving oral. If the other aspects of your relationship are solid, he may just be going something that he just isn't ready to share.
     
    #83 NotTooLoud, Jul 29, 2019
  4. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    Love is important. How love shows up is between the two involved.
    I am saddened that you do not get to experience love in the way you wanted.

    Seems sex might be more important to him and getting close and bonding seems scary to him maybe. I am only guessing since I do not know him at all. It can be hard for anyone to let someone in and allow love to happen freely.

    HUGS HUGS I have you in my thoughts for a long while.

    TM
     
    #84 TrevinMichael, Jul 30, 2019
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  5. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    Being Pansexual I see things a bit differently.

    I seek love. I never sought sex. Sex happened when I loved someone fully and unconditionally.
     
    #85 TrevinMichael, Jul 30, 2019
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  6. NotTooLoud

    NotTooLoud
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    TrailDog,
    She only pleased you one time in bed? Please explain, if you feel comfortable doing so.
     
    #86 NotTooLoud, Jul 31, 2019
  7. out2019

    out2019
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    exactly! Yet I have been telling myself for years I am not gay!
     
    #87 out2019, Aug 14, 2019
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  8. out2019

    out2019
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    Looking back, I was excited about the idea of having sex with my (female) partners because a. i could orgasm b. it was some sort of validation or conquest...
    but the actual sex was hard performing oral sex (which I never fantasized bout but got some partner requests to perform) was hard but I was able to please her and that gave some satisfaction... sometimes there were moments of intimacy where there was genuine arousal and intimacy - but most of the time it felt like work and to maintain an erection I often fantasized about being with a guy.

    On the other hand once I have allowed myself to accept my gay feelings and fantasize, I can get aroused just thinking about please a guy...I haven't had sex yet but I would love to just give a guy a blow job and not even worry about myself getting off..
     
    #88 out2019, Aug 14, 2019
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  9. NotTooLoud

    NotTooLoud
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    I know what you mean. Sex could provide physical relief, but there wasn't any emotional intimacy.
     
    #89 NotTooLoud, Aug 14, 2019
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  10. Stig500

    Stig500
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    That's exactly how I feel about it, the physical act of sex with my wife is enjoyable because its affection and physical attention, but it's the way a guy can touch me and look at me and make me feel like I'm in heaven that makes it the most wonderful feeling of pleasure imaginable, and that's why I know I'm gay, and I crave that feeling every day x
     
    #90 Stig500, Aug 15, 2019
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  11. NotTooLoud

    NotTooLoud
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    Your words are very eloquent. I have not been with a man yet, but that's why I know I'm gay, too.
     
    #91 NotTooLoud, Aug 18, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2019
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  12. Stig500

    Stig500
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    My situation is a strange one at times, I find women very attractive to look at, but the thought of having actual sex with them repulses me now, my wife knows this and we sometimes masterbate together and I tell her about guys I am into and what I'd like them to do to me. She says she's happy with the situation and we're like best friends, and she's happy for me to sleep with other men so I just go with it. But she knows not to ask for sex as the only thing that really turns me on now is other men.
     
    #92 Stig500, Aug 19, 2019
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