Did anyone not even know they were gay until young adulthood?

Looking backwards in time it all seems so obvious; but I don't know that I was gay, truly gay, until I admitted it to myself. Before that I was fractured, "attracted to guys," confused, in denial, etc. Now, I can't see how I could not have seen it all, except that, I was putting an incomprehensible amount of energy into not seeing it. Not accepting it. Not facing it. When I first came out to myself, in July of this year (so yeah, 37 qualifies I think for your question) all of those defenses started to crumble. I could not rebuild them if I tried, and I have absolutely no intention of trying. In fact, I wouldn't want to. I am beginning to love this part of me; truly excited about life in a way I may never have been.

So, you are most certainly not alone. Not clueless. Not silly for not seeing it. You are far more courageous than me for facing it head on a lot sooner than I did.

 

You are not alone. I wouldn't face it until 3 weeks ago, and I'm 28. I should always have known but said it was just a phase or I was projecting my feelings for wanting a close friendship with a guy. I simply refuse to face it at all and made sure I thought of myself as a walking disease. Sad, but true. The world would be simpler if you could just be yourself without fear. Good luck to you.

 

You are not a walking decease! I do understand that mechanism, have a quite well refined self-loathing mode that I have retired to the shelf now, I hope, for the rest of my life.

Welcome to the light of day!

 

It took me 36 years to even question it. I'm still protecting this secret, even from myself much of the time.

I was married for over 10 years. Got divorced and still didn't realize it for a few years.

I knew something was wrong(or correctable), and it caused me anxiety and depression for many years. I just didn't know what it was til it bubbled up to the surface one day and i got real scared. It also delivered peace, though, which was the clincher.

It's good to talk about it. It's important to share your truth. I hope we are kind enough to let ourselves be seen as we truly are.

 

I've heard it happened before. I think it's different for everybody...I personally knew I was gay since I was 10. I have a friend who didn't know he was gay until 19. Then I know a few people who didn't know they were gay until late 20's.

Of course it's nothing to be ashamed of...and yes, there might be alot of internal conflicts, also maybe alot of external conflicts, but it's something new you discover about yourself. It'll take some time before some people can face it, and theres nothing wrong with it either. It takes time.

 

Me

I told myself i was bi because 'theres no rational reason why i shouldnt be able to love/sex either'.

I told myself i preferred girls but just hadnt found the right one/was too busy/too independant/etc

Also i dont mean told myself as in denied.. i believed 100%, i just dont think i ever really considered the alternative until recently.

Because i had convinced myself of this, it was easy to convince others i was straight despite never having a girlfriend or sex. I lied a little when people nagged me about being a virgin.

Im still understanding how i got so twisted up, but i think alot was to do with being bullied in early childhood, and learning to hide anything not normal about me to try and protect myself.

Also somehow ive gone thru life without a single gay friend/relative/etc.. i think that slowed my discovery down too

 

This is so possible. I did it. Never considered gay as a possibility, and one as it turns out, is just right. Fits, comfortable, natural and whole.

 

I am 36 and I have only in the last six months realized i am gay. I have been attracted to men since early teens, how ever I was raped on 2 separate occasions and always presumed the feelings were because of that. My feelings for men were only physical and emotionally I was fearful of them. On the other hand I had such amazing deep emotional connections with the women I dated and even married and with some there was great physical attraction. The truth has set me free and I have finally put the past to bed.

 

Actually, that is a pretty normal time frame. I wondered at 15 or 16, and mentioned it to my Mom around then. I didn't truly accept it until early adulthood, but I had married at 19, and had my first child at 22. I knew without a doubt no later than 25. Usually more feminine type lesbians(Femmes) realize this later, and I would suspect Bisexuals also. However, my youngest told me she knew she was Bisexual at 13,(last year) so I think this generation is MUCH more aware. They see more gay people around and see that it is normal so when they feel it, they don't sit and try to figure it all out. They just act on it.

 

35 when I finally came out to myself. Sure there were signs but I thought it was a phase or the devil tempting me. I became good at lying to myself and everyone around me.

 

I didn't know that some guys wanted to be with other guys the way I only knew guys wanted to be with women. I had no idea that existed. It's no wonder it took me so long to figure out why I wanted to be friends with some guys so much and why I felt so bad when we didn't click. I didn't understand what was going on at the time, but after enough heartache I figured it out.

 

This is so like me it is scary. I didn't figure it out soon enough.