Devistated

Hi there. I'm glad you've found this site - because you've found a whole group of people who understand what you're going through. That alone should help you feel better.

Try to remember your mom said what she said after you'd said you weren't gay. Her answer would have been different (if not completely honest) if you'd said you were. And just because she has said she wouldn't want her son to be gay doesn't mean she wouldn't still love you. She would just need to do some adjusting to the idea.

You don't need to tell them any time soon. But if the negative comments persist, you might feel better if you tell them that you 'might' be gay, that you're still working through it, and that you'd appreciate it if they could stop.

Good luck. And welcome again to EC.

 

She probably is paranoid and please don't listen to the negative comments. She obviously doesn't understand what being gay means and needs to be educated.

If you did come out, I am sure her answer would have been alot different. It takes time for parents to adjust sometimes. But don't let fear control who you are.

 

Hi Dean. Glad you are here. Welcome. Your story is hard. In my experience, tho, there is truth to the saying that "talk is cheap." In this context, people often make statements and pronounce judgments before they've really & truly encountered the situation they are passing judgment on. So, I encourage you that your family's love for you really is stronger than your sexuality. I'll bet 500 euro that when (not if) your family encounters the reality of your sexuality you will discover that love truly does conquer all, and that they will not reject you, etc. etc. etc.

Sounds like you stood up for yourself pretty well, even tho you did not come out on the spot like you may have wanted to. When I came out to my wife it was in a similar situation. I'd been thinking about how and when to deal with it, then she popped into my office and confronted me in her very Irish manner. Luckily I was prepared to come out of my denial and share with her that I'm bi, err not exactly 100% straight.

Anyway, good luck to you. I know how it hurts to live with the denial of self. It can be life-robbing. You know your own situation best and you will know when you are ready to break through with that part of who you are. Personally, I believe God created you as you are to help others learn how we are called to love one another. Look on it as a learning opportunity!

Enjoy your time here at EC. Lots of great folks here. Cheers.

 

ok here is something that i have learned and been told many times
People really are not sensitive to a subject till it hits close to home. Obviously no parent is going to WANT their kid to face the prejudice they would encounter for being openly gay. But when it comes down to it when that issue effects someone close to them you will find a drastic change. My brother was terribly homophobic and so was my dad. When i came out to them every ounce of homophobia stopped (although my dad does not talk about gayness at all now >_>). My brother if anything has bee the most accepting and best about it all. He treats me EXACTLY the same as he always did and even doesn't mind when i talk about guys or anything like that. He even asked me if i would top or bottom once xD Anyways just remember your family will love you no matter what. And no matter how they act before knowing, when something like that hits close to home they will be better than you could imagine about it.

 

I think maybe she is just scared of how you would be treated (the ridicule,the prejudice etc..) if anything can change her view's on homosexuality it's her own son as prayers for bobby taught a mother can change for her children

 

Hi Dean, and welcome to EC. I hope you'll find here all the support you might need
First thing, you're still very young and if you don't feel ready to come out now, that's perfectly fine. That's already a big step that you've been able to come out to yourself at such a young age and you have plenty of time to become more comfortable with yourself and more self-confident before coming out to your family.
However, remember that what your mom and sister said, they said it assuming you're not gay (or bi). People views and beliefs can be completly different when they talk about gay people in general and when someone they love happens to be gay.
What your mum said didn't mean she wouldn't be able to accept you the way you are if you decided to come out to her.
If this situation happens again, maybe instead of denying it straight away, you could say something like "Would it matters to you ?". But once again, there is no rush, you've go plenty of time to figure out when and how you want to come out.
Take care, Eleanor