Desperately want to be Gay

There's the crux of the matter, the assumption that you would lose respect...you may be surprised...

Read this:

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/89605-vulnerability-not-weakness.html

By putting yourself out there, and accepting that you cannot move forward and connect to people without choosing to be vulnerable by coming out, you may find that others will not only respect you, but choose to be vulnerable themselves in accepting you.

Does this make sense?

 

As for intimacy, keep in mind that just because you go on a date with someone it doesn't mean you have to :icon_bigg them. I know that seems like an obvious point, but it helps to keep that in mind. And while you're at it, don't use the word "date" out loud or in your head. Just think of it like you're hanging out with this cool, interesting person and you're both chatting each other up about what you like. If things develop from there, let it happen naturally and don't try to act out a "role" or "scene" because it'll just be clumsy and fake. I know you said you don't want to lose your virginity to someone you don't love, but keep in mind that things happen. Make sure you have protection (condoms) just in case your physical attraction overwhelms your thinking in the moment. I'm serious, it happens. If it's someone you don't know, always meet in public first and preferably with a friend.

I get where you're coming from about wanting a label. Don't worry about it. I like boobs and boys too, I don't see a reason to make it more complicated than that.

-Fey