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Desiring to be young?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ECMember, Apr 6, 2018.

  1. ECMember

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    I'm not sure what to label this but I've somewhat been yearning for youngness/being young again. And to clear something up, I'm not a pervert/creep/pedophile.

    I'm 26 but I wish I could be at least 18-20 again. I've dealt with some personal problems through most of my life from getting picked/bullied through most of middle school, some parts in high school and college, dealing with being a minority and poor, dealing with my dad's unemployment cycles and PTSD, low social skills/confidence, not reaching goals/etc. In a nutshell, my life has sucked ass for most of the last 10-12 years. It's slowly gotten better for about the last 10-12 months.

    I wish I could be young again at least because I didn't enjoy being 18-19. Maybe that's why I somewhat formed somewhat of a friendship of sorts with two guys that lived in the same dorm as me at the current college, who were 18 and I was 22. I don't know if it's "normal" to form some relationship/friendship with people who are younger than my current age. My counselor has told me that as long as they are of age it's okay. I mean when I told him "young" I told him of age. Because the wrong person would mean "young" would mean a minor.

    I do desire a young partner/friend that was 18-19-20 at least and get to know.
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    Your counsellor is giving you bad advice if we are talking about relationships from a dating perspective. At 26 you are not past it and you have plenty of time for fun and happiness, and you certainly don't need to date a teenager to make up for lost years. Any age gap can be significant when someone is in their late teens or early 20's and you would be better focusing on people your own age (and they would too).

    Continue to address the issues from your past, but don't attempt to do so, by re-living your youth with people who are at a very different stage of development and maturity.

    Sometimes, age does matter.
     
  3. ECMember

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    I mean what do you say about all these heterosexual male celebrities who date younger women?
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    I'd say the same as what I said to you. This isn't about sexuality, it's about good and healthy relationships that are balanced and equitable. Just because Joe Bloggs celebrity is dating someone significantly younger, doesn't make it any less healthy.
     
  5. wardrobeescaper

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    You might find a younger guy who will go out with you, but long term to be blunt they will do your head in and you'll end up with an unhealthy relationship that won't make you happy. Find someone over 25 who is good fun and makes you happy.
     
  6. Chip

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    Keep in mind that a counselor or therapist's job is to help you understand yourself. Rarely, if ever will a competent counselor give you advice. So absent something causing great harm, a counselor will almost never tell you not to do it... even if it's a terrible idea... because the whole concept of (good) therapy is about self-actualization and self-empowerment.

    EC is a bit different. What I might say to someone on EC and what I might say in a counseling role would be necessarily different, because on EC I'm not serving in the role of a counselor.

    What Patrick is saying (which I agree with) is that going out with someone 8 years younger than you is not going to lead to a healthy relationship. Your therapist is correct that it is "OK", meaning legally permissible. Your therapist won't give you a value judgment because that isn't her job, nor will she likely go into the details of why it's a bad idea, since you've stated that this is what you want.

    So... what this really is about is understanding where you are. You are just coming to terms with your sexuality. It's normal, in that circumstance, to wish to have your youth back (there's even a psychological term, "delayed adolescence"). And it's not at all uncommon during that phase to lust after someone who is the age you wish you were.

    If you act on this, it won't be healthy, could get you stuck in a pattern that wouldn't be good, and could easily be harmful to the younger person. But perhaps you need to go through the process of having one or more unhealthy relationships in order to learn for yourself why it's not the best idea. That's why your therapist didn't discourage it. But here at EC, because as members and staff, our relationship with each other is different, we can be more free to give direct advice.

    I hope that provides some clarity.
     
    #6 Chip, Apr 7, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2018