I’ve been dealing with depression, PTSD and Bi-Polar for almost 20 years now. I have tried numerous medications, other coping mechanisms, and I have been seeing a therapist for almost two years now. I still feel the same, if anything, worse, because I am 32 years old and I am ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, I live an hour and a half a way from large and populated towns so not much for options. I have exhausted multiple dating sites and apps, and just no luck. To top it off, I have grown fond of a coworker that just started at my job a couple months ago, and as I get to know him more, I become more attracted to him. Unfortunately, he’s not gay even though It kind of seemed like he might be. I am desperate for companionship and intimacy and in my experiences of getting older, it has become harder to meet people. I have no support from friends and family, mostly because they have kids and live a busy life. My depression is getting worse, I am becoming lonelier, and almost terrified. I’m tired of being alone. I want somebody to come home to, a reason, a purpose. I look for reasons to stick around but they’re dwindling.
David.....Hello and a very big welcome to empty closets! I'm so sorry that you've had no luck with meds and therapy. Both of them were effective for me although the thing that had the biggest effect on my depression was finally accepting that I am and always was gay. Killing that secret freed me from almost all of my shame, guilt, self-hate, and depression. Would a different therapist perhaps help? I know that finding the right therapist worked miracles for me. Have you thought of checking the area that you live in for LGBTQ groups that you might be able to join/attend? There is a gay men's group in a city that I can go to about once a month...I so look forward to it and it has helped me a lot! Also, now you have the wonderful LGBTQ Family here on empty closets! I came out here on EC and for the first year after that empty closets was my only "gay contact". I learned so much and was helped so much by the wonderful people here on EC. So don't hesitate to lean on us right now...you are part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care about you! Please keep us updated on how you're doing...we want to help in any way that we can! .....David
Hello, David; I'm sorry that you're finding life difficult at the moment. I know what it feels like: I frequently feel anxious and depressed, and I sometimes get suicidal thoughts (and, as I mentioned earlier, I'm 31 and have never dated or kissed anyone). You're certainly not on your own, and you've made a good start by opening up to other people on this forum. I also live in a small town and my nearest city only has a couple of small gay bars, a gay sauna and no LGBT+ groups. The city's arthouse cinema has an annual LGBT film season but, in general, the city does not have an active gay scene. As you know, this is a double-edged sword: you get to fly under the radar and stick to your comfort zone by remaining closeted, but you rarely get the chance to test the waters and put yourself in situations where you can meet other gay people. Finding compatible dating profiles online can also be difficult: some closeted guys (myself included) are reluctant to use dating apps/websites because they don't want to take the risk of being outed (via, say, an acquaintance finding a profile that isn't blank), while some openly gay men don't want to date guys that are in the closet and this has the unfortunate effect of narrowing the dating pool. As I mentioned briefly in your other thread, you may want to join a networking group, such as a book club or a cookery class, that isn't specifically aimed at the gay community if there aren't any LGBT+ groups in your area. This would involve putting yourself out more than usual, and the initial friendships that you make may not be with gay people, but any new friends may introduce you to their friends and/or relatives that are gay and you may get to meet other homosexuals that way. And, likewise, it's the same with your work colleague: he may be straight but, as you get to know him a little better, you may find out that he has a gay friend or a gay cousin. In a recent thread, Chip recommended purchasing a copy of 'Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love' by Joe Kort (and, to a lesser extent, his other book, 'Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives'). This book apparently deals with accepting and understanding yourself, rather than finding real love, but it may help you to become even more comfortable with yourself and your sexuality. And, yes, Quebec is absolutely right: changing your therapist is something that you may want to consider. It could be the case that you have outgrown your current therapist, or that your therapist's approach and/or personality is not the right fit for your current needs and situation. If you feel that your current course of treatment is not working, you may also want to discuss changing your dosage/medication with your doctor.
