I am 23 and life is really hard because i suffer from depression but most of it is caused by my emotionally abusive father. He is a complete nightmare, he is manipulative, puts me down. Victimizes himself afterwards, i am very calm and understanding towards him but he simply criticizes everything i do, from the way I clean dishes, to the way I speak. And he cannot let go of the past, always bringing up how I caused the divorce between him and my mother and how I shouldnt live with him anymore because he said his only obligation was for me to study in university then move out. Here is what happened yesterday morning I finally went to the job center to sign myself up i felt a tiny bit of hope, which is what I hangon 2 each moment im still alive.. until I got home... I spoke about possibly doing translations and my father said "ahh you wont be able to.." I responded "dad dont say those things" it basically turned into hell from then on.. I was so suicidal because he then went mad "who the fk are you to tell me what to do what not to do? dont ever tell me what I can or cannot say again or ill hit you across the face". He gave me a hug crazily then said im killing him by not acting "normal", he grabbed a bottle of alcohol then drank saying "look im gonna get drunk to put up with this shit" he said "its been 3 years why the fuck wont you just fuck off and get the hell out of my life" we then spoke while i ate at the lunch table i opened up saying he shouldnt be mean and that i understand his pain but im scared to even talk, that I understand he stresses easily but that i think he should talk to someone, a doctor because i have depression and he replied "your giving me depression, my life was fine until you came to live with me, your the fucking problem! I cannot have a life with you here"...honestly when he disregarded my emotional open up yet again saying im the problem etc and putting me down even more he said "the truth hurts doesnt it?" Then i told him "but its not about saying the truth, if you are always correct how come no one in the family likes you..its cause your mean" he then responded saying "there is a thin line of madness i am close to passing and if you cross it, ill fucking destroy you, ill turn you into dusk, we r killing each other" me :"but im not doing anything" him: "of course you dont, you never fucking do anything!!! Lets see which of us dies first, if its me you will have that on your conscious forever" .. i just felt so angry and a complete mixture of dreadful emotions. I went to my room and he passed by the open door then maliciously said "the kitchens for you to clean up" ... I cleaned the kitchen in silence, told the social worker of what was happening and she got teary eyed telling me, "i can see in your face your completely distraught"... i need help please im 23 but dont want to die
Hey there. Sorry to hear you are going through such difficulties. I never had a good relationship with my father. In fact your father sounds a lot like mine. Now you can't stay there without risking your mental or physical health. For whatever reason, your father doesn't want to be a better person, but I think it shouldn't be your duty to help him. Please make plans to move out. Are there any relatives you could stay with?
You need to do anything you can to get out of there. He is insanely toxic and by the sounds of it generally insane. Get any work you can find. If you can do it with out being caught I would try to get audio recordings of him being abusive. Can you stay at a friends house? Any other family? I’d rather sleep in my car and shower at the gym than live with someone like that.
It saddens me to hear how depressed you are. You express yourself well and it felt good to see that you had the courage to talk back to him after all those mean things he was saying to you. You may love your dad at some level but no one should feel required to like their family members and you should not feel guilty expressing your outrage over his behavior toward you. Remember, you are a grow man and YOU OWN YOURSELF! You’ve got your own life to live and he doesn’t have the right to take up your time with all of his negativity. You’ve got more important things to do. No one else would put up with him and you shouldn’t have to either. You seem intelligent and well spoken and probably have a lot of other good attributes like most young men so focus on your goals and avoid engaging with him as much as possible.
