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Depressed and lonely, especially from not having a girlfriend

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by LonelyEyesMark, Jul 2, 2021.

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  1. LonelyEyesMark

    LonelyEyesMark
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    I was told volunteering would help me meet women, especially ones who want to date. However, the women were either too old or too young.

    I was expecting to build new social connections and hopefully meet women who had similar interests. It made me sad when neither happened. :disappointed:

    Every year since I became depressed begins with me wondering if I will have a relationship and with the exception of one year, they always end with me sad that it still didn’t happen. I feel like every moment and even year I go through without a relationship feels wasted.
     
    #21 LonelyEyesMark, Jul 24, 2021
  2. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Um... who told you that nonsense?

    Sure volunteering can help to build social connections, friendships and while by a slim chance a connection could lead to something more, but to use volunteering to find someone to date, is beyond me.

    Using volunteering with the expressed purpose to find someone to date, or develop a romantic relationship, only leads to you setting yourself up for failure. Your volunteering experience with the museum pretty much speaks to it.

    Volunteering is not about dating, or finding someone to date. It never was and never will be. Volunteering is about giving back to the community, being able to use your skills, knowledge for the greater good. It can also be about gaining new skills, insights into an occupation or work environment.

    Use volunteering for doing what you like to do or learn about, something that will give you motivation, inspiration and a sense of achievement. That will do a lot more for the betterment of your mental health than going into it with expectations that in all likelihood will not be met.
     
    #22 Mirko, Jul 24, 2021
    chicodeoro likes this.
  3. LonelyEyesMark

    LonelyEyesMark
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    Quite a number of people told me. People from other forums told me they got dates volunteering and my younger sibling as well as his wife told me it would be helpful in finding a lady who wants a boyfriend.

    Please understand I really want to have a girlfriend come into my life. It makes me so sad to be alone and I always wonder why love hasn’t come to me. I go out of home but always return lonely. What am I doing wrong? Am I ugly?
     
    #23 LonelyEyesMark, Jul 24, 2021
  4. Mirko

    Mirko
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    I think it's time for you to approach things from a different angle. Trying too hard or wanting something so badly that it actually leads you to do things that are not going to be helpful, that can't be good. You are sabotaging yourself.

    If you realise that something isn't working, you need to start reflecting on why it is not working. Your volunteering is a perfect example of that.

    Sure, sometimes people will say something or they try to be supportive and make suggestions but you also have to then look at is this actually going to work? Does this make sense?

    I have never heard of anybody volunteering to find a date. And I can assure you, if you were to say on a volunteer application you want to volunteer to find a date, you are not going to hear back. This is not what volunteering is about or for.

    Just by what you have mentioned, I can see why you are going home lonely. You need to think about, what has worked? What hasn't?

    The very first thing you need to do is to work on bettering your mental health. That is your number one priority. Dating or building a romantic relationship comes afterwards.
     
    #24 Mirko, Jul 24, 2021
    chicodeoro and PatrickUK like this.
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