So lately I have been experiencing some rather weird feelings..i've been feeling like life isn't real,i've been feeling like i'm in a constant daze..i've been feeling that others around me aren't real and that I myself,isn't real..i've been feeling like this for the past 3 or 4 months and it's been getting worst and worst to the point where i'm constantly exhausted and drained from it because it makes me feel like..well it makes me feel the shit..and i know it's getting worst because i'm to the point where I feel liek if i jump off a cliff and died it wouldn't matter because my life isn't real so its been causing me to have constant suicidal thoughts.i mean ive been depressed since i was little but all these feelings lately have made it way worst and im scared of what i may do to myself..but..to the point..ive been looking into all my symptoms tht i have and it turns out i have Depersonalization Disorder.They say it's caused by too much stress but im trying to overcome it before i do anything to severe,i just dont know how so do you knwo of anyone with this certain disorder?..i didnt start feeling like this tilll i started questioning my Gender Identity but i dont know why that would make me get DPD..so if you know anyone with this disorder or have any advice of your own please do so..please pray for me.
Any time you are having suicidal thoughts, you can call the Trevor Lifeline at 866 488 7368. If possible, you might want to program it into your phone, so that if you need it you don't have to look it up. Being in the closet can have the effect of making you feel disconnected from everything and everyone, because the person living your life isn't the real you. Feeling that you have to hide core, innate things about who you are is extremely stressful. Consider talking to someone--if you can't get your parents to take you to someone, maybe you could talk to a counselor at school. Suicidal thoughts are something you need to take really seriously. I know that you don't want to talk to your parents. But if you're at the point that it's come out or die, coming out is the better option. At that point, what do you really have to lose? You can see if they will take you to a counselor without you explaining exactly why. I'm not sure how effective that will be, though. But please, if you are thinking about suicide, call the Trevor Lifeline, and talk to someone.
You've been looking into your symptoms? Like how, on the internet? Gotta warn you, it's not safe to diagnose yourself if that's what you did. when I first came out and started to accept myself, I felt a lot like you describe... dazed, disconnected. It was as if I was having my "software" re-written, or I was being re-wired from the inside. (That's the best way I can describe it.) That feeling went away. If you're having suicidal thoughts, you definitely need to talk to someone. Don't try diagnosing yourself.
I second Lazyboy. One can match up a few symptoms and label themselves with practically any abnormal psych disorder, and DPD is a pretty rare diagnosis, so it's a lot more likely you just have some garden-variety dissociation associated with the stress of thinking about what's been going on for you and the related depression associated with that . But nobody can diagnose you over the net, and for the same reason, you shouldn't be diagnosing yourself. Given the depression and suicidal ideation you're describing, you really need to be seeing a therapist. The Trevor helpline is great for short-term assistance in talking you off of a ledge, but you really need some more serious, longer-term assistance. If you need help locating a therapist, let one of the staff know and we can do our best to help with that.
thank you everyone,i appriciate your support..and idk,i just know ive felt liek this for awhile and i match every single characteristic of it but like u guys said,it could just be cuz of what im going through..feeling like im living another life..it could be either that im trying to convince myself that my gender is male or trying to convince myself that my gender is female and matches my sex..idk.i think what im going to do is see what it feels liek to be seen as a guy and see if it makes me feel any realer..and then see what it feels liek to be seen as female and do the same with that but if neither of those things work then i need more serious help cuz thats means that its not my gender issues that r making me feel DPD..but thanks guys and ill save that number to my phone..and i cant get therapy right now cuz of my Dad and we cant afford it anyways and i cant go to a school councelor cuz i graduated from high school like a year early(im only 17)so yea.
No question what you're going through is tough, but you should try and get some help with it, it's very tough to go alone. There are free or very low-cost therapy options in many areas. If you want us to see if we have any such options in your area, PM me or another staff member.
thank u very much Chip.i would liek that but id have to wait till u turn 18 this year 1st so that i dont have ot have parents permission
