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Dating: what's your approach?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Alder, Oct 27, 2016.

  1. Alder

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    I'm kind of curious on how people on here approach dating, or how you met your current partner if you have one.

    A lot of my friends actively try and find a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner - eg many of them use dating apps and dating websites all the time, and a few of them have had a pretty successful experience.
    But I also know people who in college just get to know the people around them without much deliberate intent of finding someone to date, and everyone in between.

    When it comes to dating (I suppose especially if you're not straight or not cis), would it be better to actively put yourself out there and try to find someone to date, or simply live your life and wait and see what happens or if you befriend someone you might develop mutual feelings for?

    What have all your experiences been like and any thoughts?
     
  2. guitar

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    Most people I've dated for any notable length of time have been dating apps. Some I've met at parties or what not (e.g. in person).
     
  3. ForNarnia

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    If I meet someone I like, that's the only time I even consider it. For me, actively searching for someone would just be a waste of time, as I'm not really too interested in dating right now anyway.
     
  4. OGS

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    I was just socially active, out and about meeting people. I never really made any active attempt to date--certainly nothing online. I met my husband in a bar--I was actually there for a drink with an ex before going out dancing. We never made it to the dancing...
     
  5. Creativemind

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    I kind of don't like the concept of dating at all, especially since I would be considered demiromantic/sexual by most (no other way to word it). So the dates are just awkward and they get frustrated that I don't feel chemistry that fast.

    ALL of my crushes have been on really close friends. I told 8 of them that I liked them. 4 said no, 4 said yes, but the ones who agreed were all LDR so we never got physical. However, it is how I prefer to do things.
     
  6. Blood Elf

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    I don't actively look, if something happens, then it happens.
     
  7. Gunsmoke

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    I silently observe and hope to god that they're a) interested in me too, and b) braver than I am and will ask me out.
     
  8. boxinggirl87

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    I've tried actively looking and I've tried not actively looking. Either way the downfall for me is I assume everyone is straight and I never make an attempt at getting to know some one that might lead to dating. Most of the girls I've ever dated approached me and even then I just thought they were being really nice. Moral of the story, I'm kinda hopeless in these situations.
     
  9. MagicPotato

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    Dating as a LGBT person is so hard. We can't have those moments that exist in romantic movies where you just bump into someone, start talking and then start dating. Because pretty much eight times out of ten that person is going to be straight. And dating apps these days are mostly people looking for sex. Plus there's no way to know immediately whether another person is gay unless they walk around with a board with "I'm gay!!" written on it. The same way the other way around as well, there's no way for other people to know just by looking at you that you're LGBT. So it's all really just a big hassle. Just wait and live your life. And maybe you'll find someone. Remember you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. Being single doesn't mean that you are lonely and sad.
     
  10. OGS

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    You can totally still have that bumping into someone type thing as an LGBT person. Pretty much everyone I've ever dated started that way. It may take a bit of work to build a life where you regularly encounter gay people, but it can definitely be done!
     
  11. HM03

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    Be super awkward and hope he thinks it's cute :lol:
     
  12. europeanguy

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    mine? not approach at all....im too socially anxious to do anything haha, hell i dont even have a real relationship......by that i mean there is a guy who is technically my bf, but he's a total ass, never talks to me, even now, the last message i sent him was like week ago....he hasn't even seen it, yet he's used the app it was sent with lots of time (its whatsapp) all without checking. i want to hate him, but i cant.......i guess its because i know its the only thing ill ever have haha. but yeah, all that ranting and rambling aside, the approach is generally.....keep very quiet, play along with the subject and uhh.....try not to do anything stupid (like me.....twice haha)
     
  13. iiimee

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    I am single and not really wanting to date, but I remember I was actively seeking out a partner the last time I dated someone, and tbh I don't think I could have found anyone any other way. I am not interested in dating now, as I said, but I think it's best to be socially active and make as many friends as you can, just in case anything, including dating, might occur. Sometimes you do run into people by chance, but tbh that is when you're lucky, and I just don't think humans have enough time on this earth to leave that sort of thing to chance- at least, not if finding someone is one of their long-term goals.
     
  14. Darsch Hielle

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    Well, I am in marching band, and there are a LOT of non-straight people there. I came out to a few of the people I knew were LGBT, because I knew they'd accept me.

    As this season continued, I began to get closer to some people, and I came out to almost the whole band. Well one of the people I originally came out to and I started to like each other.

    So for me, I didn't have to put myself out there, I just happened to know a lot of LGBT people.
     
  15. Andrew99

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    I don't approach anyone. I let them come up to me.
     
  16. BookWriter1994

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    I have been actively looking for I don't know a long ass time.. I did had crushes on friends back in high school but I always get rejected by them.. I've tried dating apps and I met a few guys on there and nothing really worked out and I also met two women on there and nothing worked out either..

    People said that the right person will come to you when you are not looking. I believe that I do, but I don't go out much and I am mostly by myself all the time which is why I am on dating apps in the first place hoping to find THE ONE.. Maybe soon I hope..
     
  17. Blinko

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    The longest relationship i had (6 months) was after hooking up with a girl from a dating app who moved in with me that same weekend and everything was just lovely all through for 6 continuous months

    I thought she was 'the one' but she ended up stealing from my housemate and the breakup was dramatic plus involving the police and me feeling blindsided...haven't dated used apps again...

    the other few ive had were through meeting girls at parties or through hookups by a mutual friend...they didnt last as long (the most being one month)

    the most substantial relationship i had was from a dating app and it turned out to be fake so i cant really advise on using apps...it was a good run though
     
  18. Spartan 117

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    Hmm, I think it's good to advertise the fact that you are single and looking for a relationship. How you do that is up to you - whether it be through the internet, or just by spreading the word in your friend group and socially.

    I'm not sure you can count on just stumbling into a relationship. I think that people make funny assumptions about people if things aren't spelled out for them. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: "Oh, I didn't think you wanted human company! You just seemed so comfortable with all your cats."

    Having said all that, finding a relationship is a bit like "a watched kettle never boils", the more effort you put into finding one, the harder becomes. A nice person usually comes along when you least expect it. Usually around the time when you're just starting to think "hey, being single isn't so bad!".

    So my advice: put the word out there, but don't stress over it - what will be, will be. :slight_smile:
     
  19. RainbowGreen

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    If I see someone who interests me, I try to get to know them.

    Basically, I talk to them every chance I get, I do projects with them and invite them to hang out. I have done that twice in my life.

    So far, I'm still single, but I feel I might have a chance with my crush if I play my cards right.
     
  20. Crimson72

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    I found that being much more laid back made me get better dates, rather than me trying to actively look for someone to love. It just comes more naturally that way, I usually know my dates for awhile before I consider to start a relationship with them.