Recently, I've been doing some introspective thinking about my sexual identity and preferences, and I've come to realize - while I've never actually encountered the reality - I find the idea of being in a relationship with a heterosexual couple to be very appealing. I'm not entirely certain as to what makes it so desirable to me, but it has become a source of private preoccupation. To be clear, I'm not discussing dating a husband/boyfriend or a wife/girlfriend or both behind the other's back or any form of infidelity. I'm discussing dating both of them, with both of their knowledge and consent, and I do mean dating them; ideally, we would go out to dinner, see movies, and go on picnics together, all three of us. I'm sure there would also be times where one or the other of us couldn't show up and the other two would carry on, and even times where two of us would plan things together alone. Sexually, our relationship would be the same, though time with the three of us together would also be the ideal. I don't say this to brag about my interest in it because it's a relatively novel idea, or as some secret means of getting unlimited threesomes, as I'm acutely aware this kind of relationship will have effectively double the pitfalls of a normal one with added dimensions of its own. I only mention it because it truly appeals to me and I don't personally hear many people really talking about it. So I'm asking you; what's your opinion of couples - married or otherwise - dating other people together? And I don't simply mean whether or not you'd be involved in such a relationship, what would you think and how would you feel if you saw a couple very clearly dating someone? What if you saw them hold hands or heard them say romantic things to each other while on the street or sitting at the table next to yours at a restaurant? Would it be heartwarming or would it make you uncomfortable or would it have some other effect entirely? Would you even care at all? If you would like to be in such a relationship yourself, why do you suppose you feel that way? What appeals to you about it? Consequently, if it makes you uncomfortable and/or you are otherwise opposed to it, please do share why you think that might be; I won't be offended, unless your explanation entails a targeted personal attack on me, specifically. You needn't dig deep or get personally into your past or private self, of course, I'm simply curious. Either way, thank you very much for your time and consideration!
I wouldn't mind seeing a throuple or the like. I believe that for some people it can be super fulfilling to an extent that a regular "one on one" couldn't be. however, if someone ever plans to get into such a configuration, please remember that communication is even more important in those situations. And that the third "member" is not "a bonus" but part of the relationship. have seen some people be really miserable because the communication was piss poor and sometimes unfair towards them.
Communication is key. I have no doubts as to the viability of three people being in a romantic and sexual relationship with each other if they all consent to it, but they need to talk about it, get on the same page, and make it work. As stated before I got here, the third partner needs to be a legitimate part of the relationship and not just a bonus for the other two, this cannot be stressed enough. A monogamous couple is work enough, but then you add another person to the mix with their own thoughts, feelings, and wants and the situation just becomes a lot more complicated. On the bright side, there being three partners and occasional situations preventing all three from being together does reduce the chances of the two who do have to or get to have their own special moments will cheat on the one who couldn't make it. There could be little things between three combinations of them, Partners A and B, Partners B and C, and Partners A and C, and whether it was A, B or C who had to bow out for whatever reason, they would know exactly who their partners were with and have a reasonable expectation of what they would be getting up to. Then, when they could all be together again, they'd go right back to all three being equal partners. But again, it takes work and communication.
It sounds like you are describing a form of ENM sometimes called polyfidelity, and specifically a closed triad. Or is "throupling" different in that there are 2+1? You seem to describe it as such, as if you would be a third person that is merely added to an existing couple who wants a third. For me personally, I'm still on the first mission of the monogamy main game, so I can't really advance to NG+ or Hard mode yet, nor will I probably ever as I would wind up just attaching to one person and get my heart stomped into the ground...game over, restart...hit with game keeps rebooting bug. I would not have any issues with seeing this sort of relationship happening in public because I am not really one to shove my ideological world views down anyone's throat, and relationships and how they should look and be are no exception. So if it works it works, I'm not going to judge it, but I will probably enjoy watching others in the room silently judge it, and you should expect that will happen.
I have zero judgement against anyone who does throupling. However if I saw one in public I might stare a bit unintentionally, partially because I would be confused who was with who until someone told me they were a throuple. Now granted, with you being a part of my life as my sister, I'd probably want to meet whoever you were dating at some point. I'll be honest, it would take myself time to get used to the fact you're dating two people, I might be kind of shy and awkward at first for fear of doing/saying the wrong thing. Regardless of that, as long as you all treat each other well and make each other happy then I personally have no reason to not welcome them into my life as well.
I wonder if there are any reliable data about the long-term viability of these kinds of arrangements. It seems like something that would probably implode after a year or two. I could be wrong of course, but I imagine it adds several layers of complication, and one-on-one is difficult enough.
I'd be curious how exactly that would work in practice. I'm familiar with the idea and I've certainly known people in open relationships, although it seems less common than it used to be, but I can't say I've ever encountered anything like a throuple in real life.
Firstly, thank you all for your responses! ^_^ I'm sorry I haven't been around to address them directly, though I think most people are generally on the same page with me, as far as how common it is and the obvious problems that could arise from such an arrangement. I think the practicalities of it are pretty clear to me, for what I'm after anyway. Groups of three friends can spend comfortable, happy time together, and I'm not looking to "soul-bond" with anyone, because I do not believe in it. We will be three adult people who are very close friends and share a bed sometimes. The point is to avoid jealousy by not placing a bunch of expectations on each other. I don't intend to be a casual fling, but I also don't intend to get in the way of their relationship. That will require a good deal of open-mindedness, patience, and compromise, but the yield is a unique experience of romance and support. I'm also not about to pretend the idea of being sexual with two people is not appealing to me. It's not a kink I've had my whole life, or really even something I'd call a "kink" at all, it just sounds really fun. Collaborative sexual encounters have always been a popular fantasy, and most people who are presented the opportunity try them, though admittedly to varying degrees of enjoyment. That said, I want something more than that. I want to be romantic. I want to go to special dinners, and hold hands, and surprise them on their birthdays, too. It'll be complicated, yes, and it'll take a very special couple, but no part of me is deterred by that reality. As they say, the high tide lifts all boats; they're out there, and there's more than one of them that would welcome me. Anyway, it's still not something I'm ready for anyway, it's just something I'm kind of looking forward to trying. Trust me when I say, if it goes catastrophic, I will not be shy in warning others off of it, but I know what I'm looking for and I'm going to take it super slow, regardless. If we fall in love, that's great, but the main objective is always to be close friends!
Hi Lydia, funnily enough I know of a trans woman on another board who is in exactly this sort of set up - with a cis man and a cis woman. They live together as a three. Initially, it blew my mind. But they seem to make it work, which is great. I know myself I couldn't do it. I'm far too much of a traditionalist - I believe in true love, romance and all that kind of malarkey! I also think as a trans woman I would be worried about being someone else's kink. But hey if you do find yourself in such a situation, then the very best of luck, Lydia. You go girl! Hugs, Beth xx
