I am dating a man who I suspect may be a virgin, though he has not come out and told me this. I would like to know before we have sex if this is the case, mostly because I want him to feel comfortable enough with me to knowingly share an amazing experience together. Does anyone have experience in this? Either having dated a virgin or being one themselves? We are both in our early 30's, and I want him to feel as comfortable as possible but I realize it's a sensitive subject if its true. What would be the best thing a partner could do in this situation to make things comfortable so you can open up to them? What would make it easy to have that conversation?
Well, because of the age here, I think it's important to work through why he's waited this long. If you've discussed sex, then he probably isn't waiting for something. Maybe he's had a bad relationship or something else. I think the best thing to do is be a comfort to him - make him want to come to you. Don't push him (unless he specifically says "I need you to help me.") I am at a point where, once I decide on the guy, I'll need him to make the move.
That is a good point. I thought it might have been related to having a bad experience, but so far that doesn't seem to be the case, or atleast not that he will admit to. The funny thing is, the topic of virgins came up once early on in our dating, and all he had to say was, "you don't see that much these days do you". I only began to suspect this later. Ah well, I guess all I can really do is hope he will want to open up, and make him feel as comfortable as possible. I just wish there was more I could do without being pushy.
Honey, no man will admit he's not an experienced stud. If its really his first time, you'll know it from the utterly stupid grin on his face afterwards . If you're ok with it, go for it, be sure you over verbalize what you do and don't like (or show him), and, be gentle.:icon_wink
Especially since you are a female, it really bothers me. Let me say this again, though - it isn't necessarily bad that someone is a virgin. It's just that it seems very secretive. I'm sure he would have said "I'm waiting until marriage" or "I am being abstinent until the purple bird flies into the wind." If you two become closer, it is very important. Is he fine, other wise? Or are there things that might seem like red flags to you?
Well me and the guy I'm seeing were both virgins when it came to being with other men the first time we had sex together. We've still never had sex with anyone else. If you're curious whether he's been with anyone, just ask him. And if you want to make it nice, setting helps a lot. Some candles and some nice music maybe? That's what I did anyway, and it turned out pretty good for both of us. Also maybe stick to gentler, more tender sex the first time? Lots of foreplay and whatnot. (I'm kind of biased though, I love foreplay.)
I'm a virgin, and I don't consider it a negative thing. Just ask him what his experience has been like, and what he likes. I'm sure he's not embarassed.
The thing about virgins is, most don't worry about it much (myself included), and the ones that do know that there's no real way to tell. I doubt he's not interested out of "fear" of you finding out he's a virgin, especially since well, he'd finally be losing it if it was really a hang up for him.
Go slowly and ask if he's okay with things before trying them. It's good practice regardless of whether he's a virgin or not.
Hey, I'm sorry if anyone took offense to my posting, I got the impression that might be the case, though I honestly don't know why. (photoguy93: especially because I'm female? I didn't understand that, sorry!) I love the fact that he might be a virgin. I think that it is a beautiful thing to be a part of the experience of someone opening up to something new. In my mind, I guess the ability to be open with eachother about something like this brings an extra layer of intimacy to the experience, which I really value. I am posting on here about this particularly because I want to make the best experience possibly for my partner, and I am trying to understand where they are coming from. Many of these comments I have found very helpful, so I just wanted to say thank you. We shall see how it goes!
Aside from trading blowjobs as a teenager, I'm a (gay) virgin due to (until recently) an extremely closeted life. I came out a year ago, but, I've still been super apprehensive to get with a guy. I guess I still have something rattling around in the closet... Anyhow, I feel a bit bashful of that fact and it has kept me from responding to a couple hook-up invites (probably for the better anyhow) as the way they describe what they think of as a perfect night is a bit intimidating. Short of it is, I'd be truthful of somebody simply asked me if it was my first time and told me they're fine with it if so. You might just gently ask and take whatever he says as truth and go with it.
